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Why You Shouldn’t Settle in a Relationship

October 17, 2012
Life, Love
7 Comments

Looking back over the bone yard of your past relationships can be a humbling experience. Examining how each little union started, where it faltered, and when it finally sputtered to its end gives us pause to consider—and learn—what we can do and be better the next time we enter into a romance. With the past as a starry-eyed guide, we can, hopefully, keep from emulating the same relational mistakes again and again. If we choose to ignore it, it’s likely that our chosen cycle will end the same way each and every time.

As I peer over what went wrong in each of my past relationships, I can’t help but notice a startling pattern in nearly every single example of my commitment. And though the common thread was one I hadn’t noticed until now, its existence somehow didn’t surprise me. It made sense and it explained the path each of those relationships took to their own demise.
In all but one of my relationships, I had settled for a person who less than what I truly wanted.

Reading that sentence, it’s natural to assume that I believe I was too good for each of the women I dated and made my partner. But the opposite is true. Most of the women were too good for me and I was blessed that they even gave me a shot. However, that doesn’t change the fact that for each woman I committed myself to (for however long a time), they all lacked something I inevitably needed in a partner (the likelihood that they settled on me first is not lost on me).
Examples of things I settled on range from the differences in our faith to her personality/sense of humor being somewhat dry and cumbered and not meshing with mine to her not being pretty enough for my taste (that sounds so incredibly horrible for me to say and I’m sorry, but mutual sexual attraction is incredibly important in a relationship, whether we have the heart to admit it or not). Regardless of what I settled on, the fact that I did settle hampered my relationship from the very beginning and left us building something on less-than-solid ground. Ultimately, each relationships failure can be traced back to those concessions, and as a result, the failure of those relationships is on me and my conscience (note: there is one relationship I didn’t have to settle on because we were quite perfect together, and three long years later, I still regret finding a way to blow it away into nothingness. A story for another time perhaps).

In reality, dating, in its origins, was a way to progress toward marriage. You met someone and you liked them, so the two of you dated and if things worked out, you got married. Now, things are all construed and upside down. The term “dating” means a thousand different things to a billion different people. But whatever your definition of dating or what your endgame is, settling or conceding something you want from a partner puts your relationship at an immediate disadvantage. You’re having to ignore the absence of something you miss or the presence of something you wish didn’t exist. It’s a tough hurdle to get by or see through. But then again, some would say that love can conquer all.

When you’re considering dating someone while getting to know them, do yourself a favor and refuse to settle for someone who is less than what you want. Really, you have the right and privilege to wait for as long as you want. After all, your happiness is what’s at stake.
Could some of my relationships have survived my settling? Maybe. Did they? No. So when I see that one of the deathblow issues was my conceding something I wanted and needed from a partner, why wouldn’t I correct that mistake in the future?

Your life is your own and you’re free to do as you please. But don’t settle. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be satisfied and you deserve to be fulfilled. Why not find that with someone who you don’t have to make a concession for? Hold out for something better. The result is eternally worth the wait.

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Why I’m Disappointed in “The New Girl”

October 1, 2012
Life, Love
19 Comments

I’ve found that most people are a bit shocked when they discover just how broad my range of interests is. In fact, when they find out I’m an avid fan of almost all sports, most people will roll their eyes and assume I’m just trying to be “manly” or whatever. But then again, when you spend about 85% of your time writing about romance and relationships, a stigma of sorts comes with it.
So when I tweeted something about Zooey Deschanel’s character on The New Girl the other night and a few followers were surprised I watch the show, it didn’t surprise me.
Of course I watch it! I’ve seen every episode; mainly because I relate so well with Nick, and partly because I’ve had a nice little crush on ol’ Zooey since Elf. To me, she isn’t “adorkable”. She’s just plain desirable.

But while watching the second episode of the new season this past week, I found myself somewhat disappointed, not only in the character Jess but also in the woman who plays her—my dear Ms. Deschanel. (If you haven’t seen the episode just yet, skip down a paragraph or so to avoid some mild spoilers.)
In the episode titled “Katie”, Jess is in a rut of sorts after being fired from her teaching job and is wanting some adventure and zest added to her life. So while she’s visiting Nick’s bar and getting a bit buzzy at noon on a weekday, a guy comes in looking for his blind date. He thinks Jess is his date and calls her Katie. Needing some freshness in her life, Jess says that she is indeed this Katie person and the two hit it off. The episode progresses with Jess and her guy having a great time together (apparently the best sex of “Katie’s” life was involved) and wanting to see more of each other. And while I’m jealous of any man who gets to spend quality time with Zooey (I’m looking at you Ben Gibbard, you dumb fool), I found myself pulling away from my usual goo-goo eyed approach to watching this hilarious show.
Naturally, as with most sitcoms, Jess’s lie falls apart and it’s discovered that she isn’t who she’s been saying she is. A lesson is learned about not lying and such, but right before the end of the show, the guy comes back and makes this speech about not caring what her name is or what she likes or who she really is as a person. Jess tries to tell him all of these things but he cuts her off; he honestly doesn’t care about her. Instead, he offers a proposition where he and Jess simply use each other for sex. No closeness, no intimacy—just sex. And at first, I thought Jess would slap him and say she deserved better from a man she was intimate with. Last season, her character would have done just that (or at least delivered some high pitched speech admonishing him…?), but that wasn’t the case this year. Instead, she thinks about it for a second and then jumps his bones. In the end, she was okay with just being a thing to a guy she barely knew. And this is what left me with a sincere taste of disappointment in my mouth.

Maybe I had hoped Zooey Deschanel would take her responsibility as a role model a bit more seriously than that; maybe it’s unfair for me to put my expectation on her that way; and maybe I’m just taking the storyline of show that prominently involves a “douche jar” a bit too seriously. But what does it tell the young, impressionable females of today when an actress allows her character to be reduced to something a man simply uses while requiring very little—if anything—in return from him?
I get that people (especially on television) have meaningless sex and blah blah blah, but as the father of a 5 year-old daughter, I found myself saddened by the choice that was made by this show, this character, and this actress.
I understand that Zooey Deschanel is required to perform as she is asked by the show, but I honestly hoped someone who is looked up to and revered as she is these days would take a stand against her character allowing herself to be a part of a rampant problem. I guess I hoped she would be the kind of public figure I could point out to my daughter and say, “She is awesome and it’s okay to look up to this one”. But now, I find myself disappointed and let down.

Of course, we’re all allowed to do what we want within the confines of the law. If nameless, no commitment sex is your thing, by all means, have at it. It’s your life, do as you please.
But for my daughter (and all the other millions of young women out there), I want it to be known that it’s okay if you require more from a man before letting him in your pants. It’s okay if you decide to wait until you’re something that’s loved and cherished, and not some thing that’s used and then disregarded. Really, I just want them to know that although Jess is funny and smart and beautiful and a good dresser, she could have told that d-bag that being seen as a play thing wasn’t her style and that she expected more from a man before giving him a continuous part of her that meant so much. But then again, maybe that’s asking too much of a television show/society these days.

Regardless, if you’re reading this, please know that you don’t have to emulate the situation Jess put herself in. It’s okay for you to be your own woman and for you to make your own decisions. You’re worth more than being some thing that’s only used for physical needs. You deserve more than a guy saying he just wants to use you and be used by you. It’s okay for you to require more from men and from yourself.

I remind my daughter of her worth as often as I can; I only wish The New Girl and Zooey Deschanel had cared the same for Jess.

You can follow me on Twitter here. Thank you for reading.

A Man’s Thoughts on Female Modesty

September 28, 2012
God, Life, Love
8 Comments

I know exactly what you’re thinking. You read the title of this article, smirked, and then thought, “Alright, Copeland. Let’s see how big of a fool you make of yourself and then I will EVISCERATE you!” And that’s completely fair. I mean, what right does a man have to address feminine modesty? It would seem very little in today’s world, but I’ve never been accused of being smart or a coward, so here we are.

The subject of female modesty gets a lot of play and thorough discussion these days—especially within the evangelical circles—because it is, at its roots, a subject beholden to opinions and interpretations and not facts…which usually leads to arguments, and we all know how much we Christians enjoy a good argument (ugh).
Modesty is a subject of moving lines and acceptable stances, depending on each woman’s view of the world and God’s Word. A woman decides what her own definition of modest appearance and behavior is and then she abides by the limitations she has set for herself. Sometimes a husband or Church will try to define and decide these restrictions for her, and if she accepts this authority in her life, that is her right as well. But a woman’s stance on modesty or appropriate appearance should come from a place of comfort and peace, not berating insults or oppressed views. After all, most women in the free world have the right to do, dress, and behave as they please—and that is the way it should always be.

A woman should be able to decide how she presents herself based on her own comfort level. If a woman is most comfortable with the majority of her body being covered, that’s her right (yes, some women get unfairly chastised for being too modest). If she’s more comfortable with the opposite, that is her choice as well.
And while it’s no secret that dressing certain ways will draw certain types of (sometimes unwanted) attention, is it really a woman’s responsibility to control another person’s reaction? Of course not. Now, some will maintain that a Christian woman is responsible for not trying to “tempt” her brothers in Christ, but as those brothers, shouldn’t we men have better control over our thoughts and imaginations so that we don’t actively lust after a woman simply based on their dress or appearance? Emphatically, yes! A woman can’t control the behavior or reactions of a man any more than Devon Sawa can control the lust of millions of women (girls still think he’s hot, right?). If a woman is comfortable in and of herself and comfortable with how she presents herself and the beliefs she holds, then a million super powers to her.

The truth is that some people will always try to exert their control over others. They will condemn them and they will try with all their might to force their own beliefs onto those who believe in different interpretations of God’s Word (my own religion is really bad about that and it shames me). This is wrong. A belief in God should be about trust; trusting in Him and trusting in others.
Modesty should never be about who is right or who is wrong. It should be about equality and respect. Equality for women to be able to dress however they’re most comfortable as they represent their beliefs and themselves, and respect for women to be able to make the same choices a man can without the fear of reprisal or condemnation.
(Quick side note: I do believe a woman should be conscious and respectful in the way she dresses when attending a place that may have a dress code of sorts. Places of worship, work, The White House, etc.)

So if a man is free to dress in whatever way makes him comfortable, there’s no reason a woman can’t do the same. The reactions might not be the same, but a woman should be allowed to define herself and her own views on modesty without having to deal with any sort of negative reaction. After all, the clothes (or lack thereof) do not make or break a woman; it’s what’s in her heart that matters. It’s her responsibility to decide on what her heart shows.

Follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for reading!

The Actual Good Guys

September 10, 2012
God, Life, Love
8 Comments

In a few articles from the past, I’ve mentioned The Good Guys. I described what they were and how they behaved. I gave general descriptions of goodness and kind hearts. I even wrote to them, trying to encourage them in their righted and respectful ways. And yet, every single time I wrote about these men of goodness, I had female readers emailing, messaging, or tweeting me, asking who and/or where these so called “good guys” were. They wanted proof of something that sounded more like some modern day fabrication of a Jane Austen novel than actual human men. In all honesty, I don’t think they fully believed that men who behaved in the ways I described actually existed in today’s mindset of “love ‘em and leave ‘em” that many of my species subscribe to.

Well today, I offer you my proof. Today, I present to you actual good guys who mirror the descriptions I’ve used in the past to describe the respectful and pleasant kind of men I know to exist. Ladies, this is your proof that the kind of men you prefer do, in fact, exist. I know each of these guys personally and vouch for them with whatever reputation of trustworthiness I possess.

While each of these guys are single, this isn’t matchmaking and this isn’t a promotion of forlorn love. This is simple evidence that there are still good, holy men who truly are worthwhile. This is a testament to what I believe is a rarity in today’s times. And in truth, I am proud to know each one of these men and call them my friend.

So read about them, connect with them, and realize that the male species isn’t a complete loss just yet.

The Actual Good Guys:

Name: Matthew Hill
Age: 20
About: I’ve known of Matthew for a couple of years, but over the last 12 months, he and I have had more of a chance to get to know each other a bit better. A talented writer and musician, Matthew is the kind of sensitive guy who most girls tend to dream about (John Mayer’s popularity proves that I think?). Tall, handsome, and wise beyond his 20 years, Mr. Hill’s the guy I know I can call on whenever I’m in need of someone to talk to, even though there are a good number of years between us.
He’s respectful, courteous, and hard working, and to be honest, I want my daughter to be blessed enough to find a guy like him when she’s old enough to begin dating (literally the highest compliment I can give another guy). Matthew Hill is the epitome of a good guy. And I’m proud to call him my friend.
Social Media: Blog, Facebook, Twitter

Name: Layne Gimnich
Age: 24
About: Layne was one of the very first friends I made when I moved. Since then, he’s grown into a fantastic, good hearted man who is not only my friend, but a confidant. He’s never judged me, no matter what I’ve told him or what I’ve been through. He’s that kind of guy.
Always ready for an adventure (he skydives) and/or good book recommendation, LG is who the initial Good Guy article was written in tribute to. I honestly can’t convey how much I love and appreciate him—and the twisted sense of humor he has (mainly because it’s just like mine).
Faithfully involved in his church, Layne works hard to make any and all feel welcomed and loved with the grace and kindness of God. He is the Good Guy.
Social Media: Facebook

Name: John Wise
Age: 26
About: To be honest, I’ve only known John for about a year, but in that time, I’ve come to know him as a faithful, kind Christian man who loves God and people with all that he has. He’s a servant and the kind of guy who isn’t afraid to work hard for the Kingdom. I love that about him.
Called to ministry, John spent the entire summer of 2012 running a camp for teenagers, sharing God and His word with him. I admire and respect him for that.
Funny and respectful, John Wise is the guy I know I can call on if I need anything at all and he’ll be there with a kind word and wise instruction. He’s the kind of guy that will be ever-blessed by God because he puts Him before anything else in his life. I want to be like John Wise.
Social Media: Blog, Facebook, Twitter

Name: Jake Dudley
Age: 25
About: There’s so much to say about Jake, that I don’t really know where to start. He possesses one of biggest, kindest hearts of any human I’ve ever known. He’s kind and generous, respectful and romantic. Jake is the kind of guy who loves to attend a wedding because he enjoys seeing two people express their love with a lifelong commitment.
Fervent in his faith, Jake is never afraid to stand up for what he believes in, nor is he afraid to speak his mind when he feels it can do some good for someone else.
Funny, passionate, and exuberant, Jake is the kind of Christian I want to be. Plus, he’s a heck of a writer.
I respect Jake Dudley and if you knew him, you would too.
Social Media: Blog, Facebook, Twitter

Ladies, these are just a few examples of the millions of good guys who are out there. They do exist and they know how to treat a woman with kindness and respect. Remember this the next time a guy does you wrong and keep the faith that your good guy is out there, simply waiting for the chance to make you happy.

Follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for reading!

How to Drive a Woman Insane

August 27, 2012
Life, Love
10 Comments

I’m sure of very few things in this world. I’m not sure who shot JFK; I’m not sure if aliens exist (they probably do); I’m not sure why people like Glee/Lady Gaga/Ke$sha; and I’m not sure why ladies find Benedict Cumberbatch attractive (other than his name, obviously). However, there is one thing I am absolutely sure of, and that’s my ability to drive a woman completely berserk. I don’t mean in the good way where I’m all she can think/talk/dream/sing about; I’m talking about bringing on the kind of insanity where she wants to key your car and burn your eyebrows off your face. I’m talking about the kind of crazy where she threatens to cut off your manhood and you totally believe that she would ‘cause she has that certain look in her eye. I can and have driven women to that place—a place of hatred and absurd reasoning. Ask any of my exes/current crushes. They’ll tell you very quickly that I am speaking only truth (today).

But of what use is this information? And why have I chosen to share it with you fine upstanding readers today? Well, there are two reasons:

  1. A man can take these items I’ll list and do the exact opposite so that his lady friend may remain calm, collected, and lucid.
  2. Sometimes a woman does a guy wrong and he would like to exact a measure of revenge against her because we men can be petty, petty children when we want to be (read: most of the time…).

So what exactly does it take to drive a woman to a place where she tries to run you down in her Celica? I’m glad you asked (you didn’t but just go with it).
Behold, three things you can do to drive any woman completely insane:
Note: these tactics should only be used if you’re a complete and total idiotic jerk and/or you never want to see or hear from a particular female ever again.

Ignore Her
Have you ever seen a woman react to being ignored? It’s kinda funny to be honest (sorry, girls). Her eyes roll back in her head, she foams at the mouth, and her head starts to spin around like that chick in the Exorcist. But to be fair, who really likes to be ignored? Hardly anyone, right?
However, to really sell it, ignore her no matter what she does. Example: one time, I was in a fight with a girlfriend and decided to ignore her call. She then decided to call 47 times in a row, leaving threatening voicemails every other call (again, hilarious). When I wouldn’t pick up the phone, she came over to my house…which didn’t work because I just ignored her knocks for a good two hours, which only made her even more mad (I’m literally laughing thinking about this as I type even though I’m not particularly proud of my past behaviors). So, to drive a woman to the level of crazy that makes her knock on your door for over two hours, cursing the day you were conceived/born/circumcised, ignore her for a while. It works like a (rotten) charm.

Date Her Friend When You Know She Likes You
This step is kind of hard to pull off (and you’ve got to be a bit loony to want to try it anyway) because two female friends talk to each other…a lot. Each is aware of whom the other is crushing on and if they’re good friends, they’ll usually stay away from that particular guy out of respect for their friend. BUT! If you’re brave (read: psychotic) enough to attempt it, few things will rattle a woman’s cage more than her best friend getting cozy with the guy she had designs on. So when she finds out, begin wearing a cup to protect that which is most important to you because it’s likely that area of your body is a target for attack.
Again, this is not a plan for the faint of heart; only the stupid of brain. You’re not only breaking a girl’s heart, you’re also ruining her friendship most likely. Proceed with caution.

Call Her “Crazy”
One of the few unsolved mysteries in this universe is how a woman who is completely normal and sane loses her mind when someone tells her she’s acting crazy. It’s remarkable. A woman can be the perfect picture of well behaved sanity, but the moment you mutter “You’re crazy…” she flips her lid and tries to boil your pets. Trust me; it’s happened to me like 7 times (I don’t have a great track record with females).
And though it may be really hilarious to watch (sorry again, girls), proceed with extreme caution. Why? Because a woman who hasn’t been acting crazy doesn’t appreciate being branded with a label that is the exact opposite of what she is. So if you’re looking for a way to set her off, gather your fortitude and call her crazy to her face. Or if you’re not all that brave, say that to her friends or another female (it can be any female. They all know each other and communicate with secret codes, handshakes, and newspaper clippings) because it will get back to her eventually. Again, only do this if you’re willing and able to accept the punishment…’cause it is coming.

To wrap this up, let me say that no man should ever purposefully mistreat a woman (just as a woman should never mistreat a man). This was written as a funny exercise in how not to behave, and if you can’t realize that, it’s time to visit the “Sense of Humor” store to stock up.

Thank you. Come again.

Follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for reading.

One Man’s Insecurities by Jake Dudley

August 24, 2012
God, Life, Love
6 Comments

Insecurity.

It’s that scary little topic of conversation that seems to only float around in the chatter of young women discussing if they’ll ever get married, if they are pretty enough for the boy they like, and whether or not they fit the criteria of what a Godly woman should be. And while these emotions and doubts and fears are very real for those of the female persuasion, we men would be lying if we didn’t admit that we do, in fact, fear the very same types of things.

I know. You’re shocked. Even though Cory said it all earlier this week, to hear it from another man almost seems crazy. And while I’m not claiming that I’m not crazy, I am confessing the stark reality that my insecurity often times gets the best of me. It chases me into seclusion and doubt and fear and beats me into thinking I’ll never amount to anything more than anything I’ve already become. Insecurity has forced me into fear.

And that’s all insecurity is – FEAR. Fear of things we have no control over in the first place. I know what it feels like. I’ve been faced with the doubt you experience when you are staring at a person of the opposite sex wanting soooo badly to tell them how you feel. But instead you stand there frozen from the insecurity of thinking they’ll NEVER like someone as ugly as I think I am.  I’ve stood at the crossroads of a major life decision thinking that no matter which I choose I will fail, so instead I turn into a little boy and run away from all possibilities. I’ve ended things and started things and ignored people and ran away from opportunities all because somewhere along the way I believed my self-inflicted insecurities defined who I was as a man.

But here’s the thing: insecurity has NOTHING to do with who I actually am as person. Instead, it has EVERYTHING to do with who I’m terrified of becoming if I take a risk. I usually think I’ll fail. I usually think I’m not good enough. I usually think girls think I’m ugly. I usually think my time has run out. I usually think and think and think my way into a pity party of self-loathing and doubt that I forget that I was created in the image of an extraordinary God.

You see, when we doubt ourselves, we doubt the bloodstained statement that was made on our behalf; the statement that professed our worth; the statement that declared our redemption; the statement that called us righteous; and the statement that throws insecurities to the wayside and reminds us of a King that is enthralled with our beauty.

Yes, even my beauty; the beauty of an almost 25-year-old college dropout who works for Chick-fil-A and scribbles his emotions on paper.

We must come to terms with who we really are. While insecurity teaches us to focus on who we think we already are, faith reminds us of who God has actually designed us to become.

It is my insecurity that defines me as a college dropout while it is God’s promise for more than that which defines me as a communicator of the Gospel.

Insecurity drops me off at the fear of what I can’t see while faith carries me to the promise that I’ve been created for more. Where there is a fear of who we are going to become or what we are going to do, then there is a fear of who God says we already are and what He’s already done.

Insecurity is an ugly drug that can take control of our souls.

But only if we let it.

We can wake up and choose to think we’ll never make it; OR we can wake up and remember that it was never what we did that got us to where we are in the first place.

Follow Jake on Twitter here and read more of his writing here.

Men and our Insecurities

August 20, 2012
Life, Love
11 Comments

When Jake Dudley and I announced that we would be discussing men and their insecurities this week, an inordinate amount of females replied with a single, seeking question,

“Men have insecurities?”

It’s highly likely that a few were merely being sarcastic or trying to be funny, but somehow I think a majority of them genuinely hadn’t considered that the male species is capable of having feelings of insecurity—and that’s not even the women’s fault. It’s ours, the men’s.

To set the record straight, yes, we men deal with insecurities just like the women of the world. Believe it or not, we’re blood and bones just like you and we deal with feelings of inadequacy, fears of rejection, and frightening worries of failure as well. Only, because a man’s “manliness” is something fallible that can be questioned at any time, we’ve learned from our fathers and their fathers—men who were born during stringent, inadaptable times—to hide these feelings and these fears. Because they were raised in times of rawness, poverty, or war, many men felt the need to always be that beacon of strength that their family and community needed. They were soldiers and they were the might that held things together. This led to suppression of self and the unwavering belief that a man is only as good as his reputation.
In turn, my generation has been brought up to believe that a man is to be strong and sure, and that means that you do not show weakness; you are not allowed have ~*fEeLiNgS*~ or at least give any indication that you are in possession of them because that means that you can be manipulated and you can be swayed. And to be honest, some of us have discovered that this line of thinking is not only stressful, but dangerous.

Yet, a large portion of my generation’s males tend to hold true to this archaic way of thinking. We’re fearful of rejection so instead of approaching a girl we like and taking a chance at something potentially grand, we bury those feelings of tenderness and we choose to chase a more “sure thing” instead…all because we’re scared we’ll be rejected and be made to look foolish.
We possess these feelings of inadequacy because we worry about not being good enough to keep from failing, but to discuss these worries or feelings is a sure sign of weakness, so it’s best not to indicate their presence at all. After all, we must be witnessed in an unwavering light of manly manliness and acknowledging those “things” would be a detriment to our reputation. And we just cannot have that.

The honest truth is that a fair amount of problems that arise in relationships are due to a lack of communication from the male’s part. We fear we’ll be seen as weak, and therefore less of a man, if we discuss what we’re going through or feeling, so we simply shut it down and bury it deep instead. We don’t share things with our partner. We choose to let it fester and spread inside of us until one day it all explodes and comes spilling out in torrents of angry words and regrettable actions. It doesn’t dawn on us that if we took the time to share our feelings with those who care about us the most, it doesn’t make us weak; it actually makes us stronger because we’re investing in our union, in our relationships by letting them see and experience who we really are and what we’re really going through.

Women, I understand that we men can be frustrating and we can be insufferable sometimes. You want us to share, you want us to communicate, but we resist. For the most part, it’s just because we’re scared you’ll think less of us and in turn, we’ll be seen as inadequate or lacking (see how it’s all one big vicious circle?). When really, if we took the time to get in touch with ourselves, to discover who we are outside of some convoluted box that society says men need to be placed in, we’d find that there’s nothing unmanly or weak about sharing ourselves; it’s the opposite, actually. Allowing ourselves to fully experience and be proud of what we’re feeling, of who we are would bring us closer to fully understanding who we are as a person, a man, and a partner.

Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not eager to see men weeping into their salmon colored v-necks every time they have a feeling or get scared, but I do encourage my fellow men to move away from this idea that expressing yourself emotionally hampers your machoness. It doesn’t. Women want us to be accessible emotionally (and every other way). They want to be able to understand who we are and what we deal with, just as they want us to understand the same about them. We just have to make the conscious choice to open ourselves up in a way that perhaps scares us, but in the end, will make us happier, more fulfilled men and partners. And when that happens, there’s no limit to just how “manly” we can be.

Having insecurities isn’t wrong; it’s what we do with them that matters.

Follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for reading!
Have a question about men and their insecurities? Jake and I are holding a Q&A, so send your questions to Cory@CoryCopeland.net. Thanks! 

Simple Thoughts on Complicated Women

June 15, 2012
Life, Love
14 Comments

If there’s one certain thing that exists in this world, it’s that men will never fully understand women. They’re too complex (complicated?), too intelligent (they use an estimated 99% of their brain while we men only use about 4.5%), and too different for men to be able to comprehend all that they are or are capable of. It’s a little frightening actually.

Now most of you will read the opening to this and assume that I’m pandering to females, that I’m doing what I can to please the majority of women who read my writing (although that would be wise of me). And I suppose it can be seen that way, but in all honesty, I don’t write these particular set of thoughts for the benefit of women; I write them for the benefit of my fellow man.

It’s one thing to process the trials and tribulations I’ve experienced with women simply to turn them into knowledge and only keep them for myself. It’s another thing altogether to share these ill gotten “gains” with some of my brethren who may or may not know some of the things that I do. Look at this as a tutelage of sorts for those fellas who may or may not have had the ups and downs I’ve had with the female species. Hey, I like to share. I won’t apologize for that.

Anyway, here now are some thoughts on women:

Cannonball!
Something simple to remember is that women appreciate it if we put the toilet seat back down after we’ve used it (and yes you should raise it before you use it, you barbarian). At first, you think it’s just because they don’t want to bruise their tailbones by falling into the toilet (why they don’t look before sitting down, I do not know). And partially you’d be right.
But as much as women don’t want to get a boo boo on their bum bum, it’s more about respect than bruised heinys. A woman wants to know that you’re considering her safety and well being before your own. You raising the seat for her after you’re done isn’t just about being considerate, it’s about taking the time to consider how she’d feel if she fell into the toilet (hilarious to imagine, be honest…). It’s about acknowledging her needs and respecting them.
Really, it’s about submission (I’M KIDDING).

She can Take Care of Herself…Probably
Most men tend to think that they’re supposed to be the big bad protector of the relationship, that we’re supposed to do everything we can for the woman. And again, that’s mostly true.
In reality, most women of today’s society like to feel the accomplishment of doing things for themselves, of standing on their own independence; yet at the same time, they like knowing that their man would do those things if she allowed him to. It’s like the most complicated mind-game in the history of the world at this point.
“You don’t have to do those things, but it would be nice if you wanted to…”
Again, don’t try to understand them; just try to not get maced and/or kicked in the hooha’s.

She Did What?!
In the old days, the roles of the man and woman were more clearly defined than they are now. These days, everything is all flippy-flopped (I’m on a boat!) and up for grabs. I mean, some women just go up and ASK MEN OUT BEFORE WE’VE HAD A CHANCE TO ASK HER FIRST! Can you believe that?! What’s next? Kim Kardashian becoming a nun (AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)? (I’m kidding, of course)
My point of this caps lock-laden entry is that we men shouldn’t be surprised when a woman shows interest in us and then acts on that interest. And you know what? That’s fine! Honestly, I think they got sick of waiting for us to gather enough testicular fortitude to talk to them/ask them out/not start crying when we’re talking to them (may or may not be speaking from experience here). Sure, we should be the one doing the pursuing, but as the overrated Bob Dylan once sang, “The times, they are a-changin.’”

Fight Like a Man
At the beginning, I mentioned that women are too intelligent for us to understand them fully and that is unequivocally true. And it’s never more true than when the two of you are arguing or fighting.
Whatever you’re thinking about saying, she’s already thought it, prepared for it, and is now roughly five moves ahead of you and just WAITING for you to make a mistake/say the wrong thing. They’re cunning like that (but in a good way, of course).
I don’t really have any advice here. Just pick your words carefully…and maybe carry some mace of your own?

Follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for reading!


The Real Men

May 14, 2012
Life, Love
7 Comments

We are the real men. We are the men you’re looking for.

Much like The Good Guys, we are the kind of men who will ask a woman to be our girlfriend when that time comes, unafraid of commitment. We are the men who drop to one knee and pop the question because we are not frightened by forever. We are the type of men who stick up for our partner and our love, even to the detriment of our own wellbeing. We provide and cherish because that’s the way we choose to be. We are the real men you’ve searched for.

We are the men who are unafraid of standing in the tampon aisle with or without our woman, all in search for the right product for our love. We are the kind of men who come home with flowers and your favorite candy because we want to see you smile. We’re the men who want to pay for dinner and then offer you our jacket when you find yourself chilly.
We may be stubborn and we may passionate in our pursuits, but it’s only because we are the kind of men who will do whatever it takes to give our family what they require.

We are cunning yet respectful in our movements. We refuse to take advantage of a lady due because we are well mannered and dedicated to an honorable way of life. And those who do take advantage are not men, but rather little boys in a man’s body.
We put the needs of others before our own because that’s what a real man is supposed to do. Our families know that we can be relied upon because we have proven ourselves time and time again. We are the men who love with all we have because we don’t know of any other way. We are committed and fervent, wanting to give you all you’ve ever wanted.
We are the real men you’ve heard so much about, and whether you realize it or not, we’re out here, ready to be the man you want and need in your life.

We are the real men.

You can follow me on Twitter here. Thank you for reading!
Take a look at my new novel, “These Were the Nights” here.


Treat Her Right

May 7, 2012
Life, Love
9 Comments

Often times, I am accused of pandering to my female readers; that I write things that appeal to the women folk simply so I’ll be well liked and fawned over. I combat these accusations by saying that I write to encourage the better overall treatment of women because I am the father of a little girl, and if my writing is a cause of women being treated better, then my own daughter will reap the benefits of that work one day.

Today I write to the men—young and not so much—and ask that we improve our treatment of the female population. Because they are the fairer sex, some of our brethren feel it is their right or privilege to accost women with viciously spouted words or swiftly swung fist. Because we are the supposed “head” of household or relationship, we sometimes feel that we are in charge and decide to flex our strength by belittling the women who put up with us. And yet, even though some of us do our best to treat them with grace and beauty, we can always improve our behavior and treatment of these lovely women.

After all, it is our responsibility as men to treat them right.

So, treat her right because you may be the man she spends her life with and once damage is done, it’s hard for her to trust again.

Treat her right because she is to be respected, just as she is to respect you.

Treat her right because she may have been abused with words or actions in her past and you can help heal all of those old wounds.

Treat her right because she’s a gift from God who is to be cherished and given thanks for.

Treat her right because once she’s lost faith in you, it’s likely it will never return.

Treat her right because you’re a man and a real man knows that a woman who is appreciated and respected is the greatest asset a driven man can have supporting him.

Treat her right because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Treat her right because she deserves it.

Treat her right because her happiness should always come before your own.

Treat her right because a man who belittles or abuses a woman is no man at all.

Treat her right because you are the protector, the guardian of her love and life.

Treat her right because you love her.

Treat her right because she loves you.

For some of you, these few challenges may simply serve as a reminder. But as men, may we hold them close to our hearts and remember that even though she may drive us mad from time to time and even though we may not always have the best intentions, she is a testament to what we are continuously blessed with.

If only for that, treat her as splendidly as is humanly possible.

You can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for reading.
Check out my brand new novel, “These Were the Nights” here.

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