What to do When Your Ex Moves On

Breakups are never a simple, easily-handled thing to deal with—well not if you actually cared for the person, anyway. Whether you did the breaking or were broken up with, a part of you needs time to heal and be made whole from the pain caused by the breakup. And no matter how long it’s been, it carries a little bit of extra sting when you discover your ex has moved on to someone else. Recently, I had the misfortune of discovering this for myself.

As I tweeted the other day, I realize I don’t have the right or privilege to be upset with my ex-girlfriend for finding someone new—I ended the relationship after all—but when I found out she was with someone new, I did indeed want to burn her house down…if only a little bit. To be truthful, I loved her and want only the best for her, so, of course, that means being happy for her if she’s happy; even if it’s not with me. But considering it’d only been about 2 months since our breakup, I was a bit perplexed and downtrodden to discover this new beau had taken my place in her life. I’m not proud to say I did a bit of snooping/stalking/reconnaissance to learn what I could about their relationship (which was very little dangit). And though, I snarled at the thought of her being with someone else, I knew it wasn’t fair to me—or her—for me to dwell on this situation to the point that it ate me alive from the inside (as these things can often do).

So, in the spirit of sharing my own experiences so that others may learn from them, I’ve put together a list of three things we can do to be okay when our ex moves on.

Let’s get to it.

Try to Keep from Doing “Research”
I put this one first because it’s the hardest of the three (in my opinion) to do.
When you find out that your ex is now involved with someone new, you quickly go through 4 of the 5 stages of grief (skipping “acceptance” obviously). It’s a myriad of emotions and feelings; “hOw CoUld ThEy Do ThIs tO mE?!!” and so forth. So naturally the next step is to find out all you can about this new person who has nestled into the spot you once held (as I’ve already mentioned, I’m super guilty of this). You skewer their Facebook page and Twitter timeline (if the jerk hasn’t made it private…). You think conceited things like “HAHAHA they don’t even compare to me!” You may even sit outside your ex’s house and cry for a while (No? Just me then? Cool cool cool).
However, to keep our wits and sanity about us, it’s best if we refrain from this so called “research”. We shouldn’t snoop on them and we shouldn’t become obsessed with their new relationship (easier said then done, I know). Our relationship ended for a reason and sadly, our ex is no longer our concern. It’s best if we leave them and their new partner to themselves. It’s not a simple task, but it’s a necessary one.

It’s Time to Stop Talking
Sometimes when we breakup with someone, we maintain contact with them because we want to maintain a friendship with them even after our romantic relationship has gone kaput (even though that is nearly impossible to do). But when our ex moves on to someone new, it’s unfair to them and their relationship to continue our conversations. Why? Because if we’ve had feelings for them and they’ve had them for us, we will be a distraction for their new relationship and it will cause trouble for them one way or the other.
So if we want them to be happy, if we want them to be complete, let’s let them do their own thing with their new partner. We’ll be just fine without them as they will be without us.
By the way, this “stop talking” thing also applies to bad mouthing your ex or their new partner as well. Ranting and raving about how awful they are or all the bad things they did to you doesn’t make them look bad; it makes you look jealous and petty. So keep it classy and move along without a peep, yeah?

Be Happy for Them
This step may actually tie with the first one in degree of difficulty.
When our ex finds someone new, we feel betrayed in a way. And really all that is is jealousy. So to be a mature adult about everything (as we should be, right?), it’s best if we do our best to be happy for them and their new relationship. After all, they’ve found someone they can care about and connect with. They’re happy and moving on. If we ever cared for them even a little bit, a part of us should be happy that they’re happy. It’s not a simple task to undertake, but it is possible. Besides, how are we supposed to find someone new to be happy with if we’re still bitter at our ex for doing so first? Exactly.

Keep these three simple steps in mind for when/if your ex moves on before you think they should. Doing so will (hopefully) give you a peace of mind and a will to rise above. And that’s what it’s all about…well that and maybe setting a small brush fire around their garage or something…?

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  1. Hannah said:

    Ahahaha, definitely grinned out loud at the humor in this one :) But! great post. My ex also started seeing someone 2 months/seemingly fast after our break up and I’m here to report that… I did those same three things it worked! A few months of applying those and there weren’t anymore feelings. Year and a half later I can see him as an old friend. Only ever wanted him to be happy… And since he’s engaged to a lovely lady, I’d say I got my wish. :)

    • Fabio said:


    • Claure said:

      and are you still alone? i just don’t see how i can i be happy for my exes when i have to live out my life as a reject watching them, and everyone else, have long-term relationships and get married.

      • Melissa said:

        omg I totally understand you!!!!! :( That’s exactly how I feel.

      • Shelby said:

        I was in a 13 yr live in relationship, the same day she left she slept with someone she knew only a month, it’s been 4 weeks they r still together, but the person she’s is hiding something. On facebook they won’t say who they are in a realtionship with, and no pics of either one on the others profile. I understand this person has or had a gf in North Carolina that they live with. This person is only here in Louisiana on an internship. Does this sound like a player?

  2. Samuel Davis said:

    I think this link explains your real feelings toward your ex. I don’t know of you’re over her…

    • Thank you for telling ME what MY feelings are. I was waiting for someone to clue me in. God bless you for it.

  3. Grace said:

    This was awesome to read! it currently doesnt apply to me now but i did get a false alarm once…i didn’t go snooping but it drove me crazy! Kept looking at every girl and thinking “she could be the one!!!!”. It wasn’t pretty. *shudder*

  4. Andre said:

    Found out this morning by my friend my Ex has someone else. We’ve split for two months after two years. I know him, he’s a friend of their family they’ve been friends for ages. I knew he’d be snooping around after we broke up… Sure enough! Straight away I broke rule number one and saw an update she is going away for the weekend, with him no doubt… What a fun weekend it’ gonna be for me thinking about it. It stings like hell!!! Man I cant wait to be free of this!!!

    • Matt Miller said:

      Check this out… My girl dumped me on November 5th… 5 days later she reconnected with an ex and started a new relationship with him. I took care of the son my ex and i shared while they spent the first weekend of our breakup together. I still loved my ex so much and I thought doing things for her while sticking around the edges would slowly break her down and bring her back…
      All it caused was more problems as my anger and jealousy revealed themselves..
      It eventually caused me to lose contact with my son but i still carried a sliver of hope that i was still relevant in her life. Then came winter vacation for my son. No school for about 3 weeks. My ex took off and has been at her new dudes spot for two weeks already with another one to go… Ive been by myself this whole time, killing my soul with mental images of their current activities… Ive been on the internet for hours today trying to gain advice on how to get over this… Its tough, but we have to pull through. At one point today i considered suicide and even went to a few suicide prevention websites… I just hope i can beat this so i can come back and help others…

      • Drew said:

        Matt, My ex of 3 years broke up with me on December 12…a couple days later he’s with someone else. I’m so bitter and angry right now I don’t know what to do. He want’s nothing to do with me and since I found all this out… I really don’t want anything to do with him either. Let’s move on Matt…move on go forward and walk underneath a brighter sky.

  5. After less than a month of breakup (1 year relationship), he went into Relationship with a new girl who he just met 2 weeks ago. I’m shattered and my heart is broken into pieces. I’m just trying to hold onto myself tightly to get through this :(

  6. Thato said:

    Lol ds was fun 2 read yho I can relate so much..thou I shuld say it took him a week and a half 2 move on I was like WTF so soon mxm At dat mom I felt like killing hs damn smart, hot, self.. I guess we ol gta move on after all .. Tnx again alot

  7. merc said:

    It’s crazy knowing that i can relate to this. I broke up with my ex girlfriend for a girl that I’ve always had a thing for ( I did not cheat) And the relationship lasted only a week. here i am 3 or 4 months later wanting her back and wishing i never left her in the first place. Shes now talking to someone else. I’m literally now finding this out and struggling with the thought and sight of her with someone new. Karma at its best right?

  8. Nadia said:

    Thank you for your article. I am going through the struggle myself right now. I spent my friday night going through all his facebook friends to see who the new lady may be. This is while he is on a carribean vacation with her right now. We broke up around Nov. 5th, 2012 as well. We dated 6.5 years. I’ve gone on dates with at least three guys, but nothing has become serious. I can’t believe he has already moved on to a serious relationship. I do need to follow your three steps and FAST. He appears to be happy in the one photo posted of him on his vacation, and I need to realize we are not right for eachother. Break-ups are so hard, especially when you think you two will always be together. Instead you’re sitting on your computer contemplaiting online stalking… not a good idea. Let’s all do this together, let’s all let our hearts heal. We can do it – I can do it……………. (I hope…)

    Hopefully I wont see him tonight when I drop our dogs back off at his house.

  9. Jonathan said:

    Dude i broke up with my ex 3 years ago. Last month i found out she is with someone else, it breaks my heart to see her with another guy. Im trying to accept it but i cant. Im super depressed. I talk to her as a friend but its just not enough i love her too much. I wanna say so many things to her but i cant. I love her. I love Emily.

  10. Poetman said:

    Hi All, I know how you all feel. It’s a very soficating place, very dark, and that pressure on your chest. I am 47 and it always hurt. Love is a double sword. Ahhhhhh, if only I can get that feeling away, I will be able to breathe again. Anyways, I am responsible for this feeling, and I am happy for her and I forgive her and I forgive me. Now, I just want to move on. Stay strong everyone, love, and forgive yourself, you will breathe again :)

  11. Sarah said:

    Add me to the list, that is why I am here at this site. I too googled: when your ex partner moves on with someone else.

    I keep telling myself that I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me, and in my head I know that. Why would I want someone who doesn’t want me? it just doesn’t make sense when you say it out loud. But my heart still feels a sort of love, or something? connection, I guess. The human heart is a deep and mysterious thing, that’s for sure.

    Ok, so I admit I did love him and yes I want the best for him. I hope that I am enough of a decent person to say that. And, yes, he did not act is good ways so it wouldn’t make much sense for me to want someone who wasn’t a good partner. I can see that. And the bottom line it this: why would I want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with me? I need to address that deeper issue, heal those feelings and move on. I am grateful for the experience of knowing him, I did my very best in the relationship that I could, and I learned alot. We don’t owe each other anything, and so I can let it go.

    Forgive others as we would like to be forgiven. Still, the thought of burning down his garage is a good one …. no! karma. Must.remember.karma !!!

  12. alex said:

    hey guys….and girls iwas totally nuts about tis lady i sang to her i gave her love poems and the the next thing ya know she doesnt talk to me and i look at her at lunch & she says to me hey turn around kid and i decided to move far away from her table & the next thing ya know shes bragging bout her new bf and i welled up in tears man idk how long ill last but with ur 3 very very helpful steps i will survive oh by the way i should hve thought bout looking this site up cuz i did almost the oppisite of everything u said man & im ashamed of myself *sniff* u r a legend man fyi: im 131/2 so if u report me for me age i understand im just expession my feelings…. peace out man :-) u helped me out alot thank u

  13. David said:

    I can totally relate to this great post. I’m 49 and believe me heartache doesn’t get any better as you get older. I got cold feet and broke up with my gf (yes it was all my fault) 10 weeks ago and despite my best (or worst) efforts she wouldn’t take me back. Now I’ve discovered via the tender medium of Facebook that she’s met someone else. A quick snoop at his semi-open profile (yes rule one I know I know) reveals him to be something close to perfect and I’m absolutely gutted. I’d begun to recover from the break-up but now I’m back at square one and beyond. I guess I’d held out a sliver of hope that she’d eventually change her mind and take me back but that’s gone now. I still love her and constantly beat myself up over my stupidity, but I guess if it had been meant to be, she’d have taken me back and I really should be happy for her that she’s moving on. To make matters worse, all her friends and family deleted me on FB over this, so I feel like a complete outcast. It’s an incredibly tough time and I sympathise completely with anyone going through this.

    • Nat102 said:

      David, I am so sorry this has happened to you :-( I am in a similar boat. After 7 years relationship, hit a rocky road 2 years ago, left in anger, 1 week later dating a woman 80 miles away. Begged for him to take me back, which he did. I never go over it :-( to be honest our relationship never really went back to how it was before. 3 months ago he left and I found out via Facebook he got into a new relationship back in his hometown ( a place he said he wouldnt be seen dead in again!!!!) She has been posting all the things they have been up to and tagging him in. When I text to say he had post, he was the most vile I have ever known him! He was horrible. Me texting re:post was the only contact for 3 months, not one single word :-( He hasnt checked how I am or our dog which he absolutely adored, she was his baby. His new girlfriend a single mum with kids :-( She is posting all sorts of status about what they are upto and how happy she is etc etc. He was angry when text over the post and within a hour she changed her status to ‘in a relationship with’ naming him. I feel so deflated. I hope the weeks have made it easier for you since you posted on here. I cant think of anything else :-( He is happy happy happy coz he is sharing breakfast etc etc with her ….. I am left with nothing. :-( I couldnt get into another relationship I need to recover from him!!!

      • David said:

        Hi Nat — I’m so sorry to hear of your problems. I wish I could say it gets better — for me it’s still good days and bad days. I’ve been doing my best to move on, but something really small like my ex unblocking me on Facebook, then blocking me again two days later, is enough to set me back days. What I can say is that your ex and his new girlfriend are very unlikely to be as happy as they may suggest. Very little on Facebook is what it seems — she will post about the good times, but not the rows, the doubts, the unhappiness. Don’t beat yourself up about it — you’re worth more than this. Try to keep busy, be with friends, flirt a little with other guys to boost your self-esteem. I know it’s hard but try to stay away from Facebook and surround yourself with people who care about you. If you’d like to make contact for an online chat at some time, let me know. I know what you’re going through, but trust me, we’ll both get through this and be stronger for it.

  14. teri said:

    Wow you are so right Wow again you have hit it on the nails I wish we could have met a long time ago

  15. I’m going through this right now… broke up with my ex in January for a whole lot of reasons, but those reasons don’t seem valid anymore. I miss him terribly and although we tried to “patch things up”, he has since met someone else and is moving on with her. And it’s killing me. Especially since we were working things out!

    I have done the stalking (his and hers FB; in fact he and I are still friends on FB!) and we are still talking (obviously since we were trying to patch things up.)
    But being happy for him – I don’t know if I can. It urks me completely that someone else is going to get the better version of him now that he has realised where he went wrong with us (cue one reason I left him). And she is someone that he knew before he met me AND WASN’T INTERESTED IN HER and now all of a sudden BOOM! She’s the new girl in his life.
    And I am definitely way prettier than she is (sorry, just had to get it out there!)

    I am really struggling to understand how to move on now – knowing that he cared so much for me; knowing that I want him back… but he wants to move on because he doesn’t know how to deal with his hurt.

    I would love to find a way to go to sleep and wake up in 6 months when my pain is subsiding….

    • lovethewayyoulie89 said:

      Girl I feel the same way. This is 100% what is happening to me every detail. I just feel like dying. I feel like curling up in a ball and dying. I have a therapist and she is saying all the right things. My friends and family are saying all the right things. I just can’t let this go. For one, I risked a LOT to date the guy to begin with so there was extra emotional attachment. For two, I did wrong to him in a few ways that made him resentful and I think that’s why he’s talking to this new female from his past just to punish and torture me. A few months ago he and I picked up on a whim and moved to another state, somewhere his family lives, so that we could get a fresh start. He used that as an opportunity to punish me for mistakes I made. When the father of my kids came to that state with court papers to take the children back home, I left too. I couldn’t bear the thought of my babies leaving and me staying. Now since I left we have agreed to work things out. He even came to visit me once and that went really well. I think he is only seeing this girl because he hurts because of us. I’m in a downward spiral. All I want to do is move back there to that other state to be with him, but I can’t leave my kids behind either that’s way too selfish. I feel like my emotions are taking away from my whole life, but at the same time I can’t control them. He is the love of my life. My soul mate. My heart. I’m losing touch with reality. I’m fading. I just feel like dying most of the time. Then sometimes he calls me (like at 12:30am last night) and tells me he loves me and goodnight and all that, which gives me so much hope. I just don’t know what to do.

      • survivor said:

        Girl we are in the same soup, just a few details change here and there. i was in a relationship with this guy for 4 years, we were staying together for that long. we met and were crazy in love-the love that makes u feel you the only ppl in the world that have found happiness. soon about 6 months on i fell pregnant with our son and we fell deeper in love. when my son came our lives changed- we no longer went out as we did, slept as much as we needed and financially it was a new nightmare. soon we started fighting and urging about everything! our love next became dark and cold it was no longer “home”

        he moved out and after 3 month i found out i was pregnant with my daughter. we tried for our kids sake but it was not working-soon i ended it…it was no longer pleasant…a month later he was in a relationship with someone else. i was hurt, angry, frustrated but i had to pull thru because i had 2 small kids. but its been just over a year since we broke and the emotions are still high. we love each other sooo much and but there is this woman who is also soo inlove with him. 3 months ago they moved in together and got engaged, he says thats what she wanted…

        i realized that me hanging on is not good for me or the kids, his either in or out. so now i have cut all communication with him and it hurts worse than anything u can imagine and i’m tempted to answer his calls but i know his going to say exactly what i wanna hear and put my gaurds down and fall right back. i have stopped the snooping and now i’m on step 2- cutting all communication and u will be surprised at how much u fall in love with you again and your kids and a brighter future.

        start dreaming about what you want from life, begin putting yourself in order for your real man. no man that loves you will “sneak” at odd hours to tell u he loves u- his saying that because she is not there. its not real- you are his plan B and i know you are a someone else Plan A- DONT SETTLE! i care about u becoz i know what heartbreak feels like and how it feels like it will never end…u have to think better for yrself.

  16. Itumeleng said:

    I left my ex on the 2 Feb 2013 because i was in a 5 years and 6 months of hell and i finally did it, left all my things and started from the bottom. I have been doing well even if for 3 weeks i used to call him and he will be his rude self, found out yesterday he was back with his ex and yes did the usual snooping as i have all his passwords to social sites and saw her pic at the flat we shared together on the sofa i bought and i was miserable. I however love what i have read and to be honest even though it hurts time heals all wounds, i know i wasnt happy and i know i dont want to go back there. So for now i will deal with this and overcome it, i have realised that i am stronger than i think and thats why i am still going strong even in this day…

    I am putting myself first and that including looking good and taking care of me for a change, it mite hurt but i will get over it… There is life even after he is not with me.

    I pray for Gods strength for everyone going through this hard time in their lives, it wont be easy but it is worth it. YOU NEED TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST!!! BE SELFISH AND GUARD YOUR HEART.

    • Pros said:

      I am in the same situation. I left my husband of 13 years because he used to treat me badly. We had been together for 4 years befors we got married so its a 17yr relationship i moved away from. He was abusive and I was so miserable in the relationship to the extent I was suicidal. I kept thinking and hoping he’d change for the sake of the kids but that didnt work out until I moved out Christmas day 2011. I went to our ex home to feed the dog and found a receipt he ordered for an engagement ring a month ago. I was shattered to say the least. That is all I was able to find after doing some ‘research’ around the home. I dont know who she is but he has been able to keep her a secret. I dont know how long he’s been seeing her but hey i have never felt so low since I left him. I have majority custody of the kids simply becoz he doesnt want them anyways. he only has them to make them not feel bad. Instead of seeing him for who he is I am now splitting him into 2 personalities, the loving one and the horrible one. All I can think is her enjoying his lovely side while I put up with his ugly side. I know it is jealousy. Somehow I hoped I’d be the one to move on first since I’m the one that felt wronged and ended up walking away from everything and starting from scratch. I spent hours on skype with my mom overseas just bowling my eyes out and she tried to remind me of all the bad things he did to me but I couldnt see it. All I could see was the two of them together wherever they are and I couldnt stop crying. I will try to follow your advice but it’ll be hard I know. I do need help and I have dedicated this whole week to praying for calm within my heart. I should be happy for him shouldn’t I? Then why do i feel so

      • Patricia said:

        Pros: I’m in the same boat. I told my husband of 11 years (17 total together) this past April that I wanted a divorce. We had our separation agreement drawn up and signed this June after he moved out in late May. It’s now August 16th and he’s with a new woman as of six weeks ago. He is with her right now (I’ve done my research) on a trip to introduce her to his family back east.

        My “research” also turned up real estate listings the two of them are looking at. Needless to say I’m devastated. I did leave him for some serious reasons but now that he’s with someone else in a serious relationship, I’m so confused and emotionally distraught I don’t even know what to do. All the good memories are flooding back and I’m asking myself if we did enough to save the marriage before I bailed out. I’m sick to my stomach and inside out feeling. I meet my new therapist on Monday and as long as I can hold on until then all is good.

        I hope you are reading this well past your pain and on your way to a life filled with joy, happiness, and love.

      • Pros said:

        Well on the way to recovery, ha ha I wish. I was doing fine till my last comment on here. I hit rock bottom in past few months asking myself the very same question, whether or not I was the ‘precious’ one who threw in the towel too early. He took his now fiancée to Thailand and proposed there with a very expensive ring. That shattered me. I have been battling with thoughts of why I was shattered and I realise that it’s not him I want back. I am just lonely and would like someone to be with me, that’s what I worked out.

        My mind was in overdrive too. Within 24 hrs of discovering his fiancée I already saw them with children together in my mind and our two little girls missing out. I developed this picture of his family loving her and telling her how much welcome she is in their loves etc. I even saw her rock up to my daughter’s graduation lol ( she’s only 14) and realised I was only doing myself harm than good. If we were so good together I’d be with him but we’re not and I know it’s all for a good reason.

        One day I will find someone to love me and tell me I mean the world to them. Till then, it’s good and bad days I guess. Tell you what though! Talking about it really helps. Just find the right Chanel or person coz if u let it consume u, I’ll be thinking of the next train and wanting to throw yourself in front of it like I did. It’s not worth it at all.

  17. Christina said:

    Any advice would be great!
    My ex split up with me in December (so 4.5months ago) saying that he just couldn’t be who he wanted to be at the moment, that he still loved me, just wasn’t in love with me. A couple of weeks later he said he really would love it if after some maturing we could be more than friends again. But right now he can’t be the man he wants to be for me. We had been living officially together for a year and a half, but from the minute we got together we barely spent a night apart, and we moved a lot of stuff into each others flats after 4months, so technically living together for 2years. We always talked about being together forever, and it had always been him that intiated these conversations and then suddenly he changed his mind, without any advance indication that he was on unhappy, we hadn’t been hanging out as much as usual as we both had so much uni work to do but that was it.

    We still talk to each other by text or phone every couple of days and meet up once or twice a week. Despite him having been seeing someone, who is 6years older he is 22 she 28, since end of January. Yes this was very quick, and when I asked he said he hadn’t moved on yet, and he was being an idiot but he couldn’t stop himself. However early march he broke things of with her because she was getting annoyed that we were still friends with each other. Although he knew perfectly well that I still want to be more than friends. But then 2weeks ago he rang me and said “in the interest of honesty, I’m seeing maggie again”. Despite this we have still carried on talking and meeting up once a week. And he said he wanted want anything to jeopardise our friendship.

    I’m still absolutely crazy about him, and want to see and talk to him all the time. Often it is me that messages first but not always. For example he went to visit his dad a few weeks back, and I went to visit my family, and over the time he message me quite a few times to see how I was getting on. And even text asking if I watched game of thrones, as they had filmed part of it where we went on holiday.

    What should I do? I know I need to try and move on, as at the moment I am about to finish uni, and about to move out of the city, whilst he still has a year left, so obviously it probably wouldn’t work right now if we did get back together. But I’m so scared about cutting of contact with him, as I’m not sure if I could live without him in my life. Also I’m scared if we cut of contact then we will never get a second chance. This is someone I am completly and utterly in love with, and I know he still cares about me, as if he knows I’m going away somewhere on my own, he will ring or text to make sure I got there safe etc. But then at the same time I know I am being an idiot to carry on hoping and wishing that we will go back to how we used to be, and I’m sure that my life would be easier if I could just restrain myself from talking to him, I just don’t have the willpower to do this.

    Any help or advice would be absolutely great, and encouragement to try and live through and move on!
    Thanks all, hope you can deal with you love lives better than I am!

  18. I broke up with my ex October 2011 2- weeks later my Dad passed away and he went back to Texas with me to be supportive as he called it . We were together for about 4 years and I always felt second to his family . I cant believe I am blogging about this but its almost theraputic in a way … We came back to N.C. after all was settled and I knew that he would leave eventually to go back to his family so I told him to leave and he did just that. No questions no battle knowing that I needed him to stay . I was so hurt but trying to grieve over my Dad and him as well felt so lost being in an entire new state without my family that needed me the most . I dealt and accepted a friendship anyway that I could get it from him to have him still a part of my life . This was the man that I loved and just knew that one day he would be everything I needed, afterall he had been there for so much of an important part of my life . We still argued more than got along in this time and as of December 2012 we really hit a lull and it was done . I still tried to maintain contact with no evail he shut me down stating that he begged and I broke his heart not once but twice as he couldnt stand my attitude or mouth . I literally tried to do anything and everything to show him that I still loved him so much even though you could feel the toxins in even the friendship . This is why they say you cant be friends with your ex !!! In 37 years of my life I have never Loved a Man more than him ,hands down !!! I left the father of my 2 kids and an 11 year abusive relationship but I still cant let him go??? Why … Karma? I made mistakes and Im not perfect but the blame he has placed all on me stating he didnt change and needs no help from counseling therefore stating he needs no help hes fine … I have found out within the past week that he is dating which makes since, I guess screw that !! Oct. will be almost 2 years since we broke up and 4 months since we have been romanticaly un-attached . I am still broken , my heart is in so much pain and I knew better than to maintain any type of relationship especially physical . He let me know that he still has love for me but not in love with me . How… how is this possible and then the final blow Dating . Yes I have completed the endless task of stalking to find out who she is and the funny thing is she has tatoos in which he was insistant on how trashy that was .

    We are all hypocrites to an extent but Mr. Self righteous that was going to wait until marriage is knocking down the door to a sex shop which lets me know that he is having a sexual relationship as well . I could just die with the mental pics and taking trips per you guessed it Facebook… I feel like I cant breathe and everyone is so supportive but its not enough . I just want this feeling to go away. Prayer works I know it does and all of this was II waiting for , I knew it would come just in no way prepared no matter how hard I tried to be for it . Music… sucks right now I feel like every song is proding me like a sword . I am in the mind frame currently that I hope she finds out it has never lived on his own and at almost 32 still living at his parents meanwhile driving an Infinity that is the entire source of transportation for an entire family of 5 since the repo man picked up the remainder of the vehicles due to non-payment. Majority will not work but live off of 2 out of the 3 childrens income . In saying this I know I am better off however you give your heart to someone and then they still make choices that are selfish and just simply dumb ! The problem I had with him was seeing the potiential and making excuses that we would build together . In the end you want to take care of your family that doesnt care enough to take care of themselves? Live with them ! Yes, I am still hurting and almost 2 years later it doesnt feel any better , self inflicted though ! I should have left him alone but what do you do when you love someone and want better for that person . He has no example so how did I expect for him to understand one ? I am sure that any woman who gives 2 craps about themselves wont tolerate this but time will tell,not for me to see. Be nice if he came back crawling though ok even walking …I just want to hear it damn it !!! In closing I will take heed to the steps since I have broken all of them time and time again already within a matter of a few days lol … I hope and pray that this helps someone going though a situation maybe different but it hurts the same . Prayer will help it is helping me believe it or not !

    P.S. If you would like to say something re. this please feel free. Postive reinforcement works for everyone .

  19. Kate said:

    My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me out of the blue, when I thought we were really happy. He struggles with trust and intimacy and has always had a jealous streak but I thought we were doing well and were communicating openly so it was a real shock when he told me he couldn’t cope with being in a relationship anymore. We had discussed moving in together and he initiated spending a lot of our time together so I thought that he was in the same place as me. He went away for a week, suggesting beforehand that we organise a nice weekend away on his return, but when he came back he’d completely changed his mind about everything. He says there is no one else – and I believe him – but it’s been a really painful and confusing time (this happened about a month ago). I know that this is a common feature of his love life (he’s in his mid 30s) and the logical part of me tells me that it’s all for the best because this is something that he will probably continue to struggle with. However, he is a wonderful person and I’ve never been so happy in a relationship, I thought we would be together forever. He wants to be ‘friends’ but I’ve initiated no contact since I know that I can’t be just friends with him and now we haven’t spoken in weeks. I’m terrified of finding out that he’s met someone else and I don’t know how I’ll cope. At the moment I’m trying to be positive but I know that I’m hanging on to the hope that we’ll end up back together. What will I do if he’s found someone else. We’re friends on FB but he doesn’t use it much so I don’t know what’s going on in his life.
    I don’t know what to do – I don’t want to initiate contact but I can’t bear not knowing what he’s up to and whether he’s already moved on.

  20. Z said:

    I was seeing a guy for several months, mostly long distance. I was on the rebound and he knew it but he kept pursuing me and breaking down my walls til I gave in. I knew it was a bad idea to be seeing him so soon after my heartbreak but to be honest it was soothing for me to have someone that interested in me after what I’d gone through. He did like me, and But with time his true colors started to show and he didn’t seem to want to commit to being ‘official’, while all I really wanted was to be sure that he was into me. So technically we weren’t a real couple…but it sure felt that way, and we behaved like one. Things started to gradually falling apart, and after months of feeling like I was being strung along I cut him loose, for my own sanity (knowing what I’m worth, etc etc). A month later he tells me he’s been seeing someone else, for 2 weeks…which was 2 WEEKS post break up. I was shattered. When I confronted him about the 2 weeks thing he played it off (after all, I ended things, right?), and he had the nerve to tell me he still liked me but what’s done is done… In an earlier post someone mentioned just wanting to know they were still relevant to their ex…that describes my feelings exactly, even though I’ve tried and am still trying to let it go and move on, and even wish them well. Best move I ever made was to turn off all notifications of his activities on Facebook, so I could heal without the wounds being opened out of the blue every time he put up a picture of his new girlfriend. The pretty, trendy, leggy girl with nicer skin and better clothes and hair that he committed himself to, just a fortnight after we ended things. I’ve learnt lots of lessons from this. It’s hard to not ‘spy’ on your ex and wonder what they’re up to… especially when you discover you’ve been replaced and ‘upgraded’ (I’m not exactly ugly, if anything we have a few things in common physically, but there’s no denying she is a hot tamale and when you’re looking at her looking all happy with her new man it’s hard not to think of it as an upgrade :( ) I’ve saved my dignity because I went to God and asked Him what to do about this mess, and He’s helping me to forgive him again and again until it stops hurting. I believe it was God’s idea to cut off contact, so when the guy suggested we meet for drinks I respectfully declined. My best friend believes he’s also hurting and this is his way of dealing with it – if that’s true then it’s not fair to himself and to his new girl (dare I say to me, but whatever…) but all I can do is pray fro him and take his word for it that he’s happy. Moving on quick is not a solution, regardless of how long you were together, you’re still connected in some way and so naturally it will hurt to pry yourself from that soul tie. And I’m working on my thoughts that are damaging to my self esteem. I still dread randomly bumping into him, with her, but I’ve gone through worse things in this life and lived to tell about it.

    My heart goes out to all the folks up here ^^ it’s like I can almost hear a whisper that God’s heart aches for us, too. Today, I’m a-mazed at how He’s brought me through the original heartbreak (man of my dreams and he married someone else….) so I’m confident He’ll get me through this too. Intact. One day at a time. (I hadn’t even intended on encouraging someone else today, but sometimes it just bubbles inside!) Cory said in the blog that breakups happen for a reason; the pain will be over some day. You’re still here and you ARE relevant and significant, so don’t you be fooled. Hold on coz there’s something on the other side of the hurt/confusion/pain….and it’s gooooood!

    Psalm 126:5 “Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goes forth weeping, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again rejoicing, bringing sheaves with him.”

  21. very funny, very true. Could you also add another step?
    don’t spend your bloody evenings scouring the internet for help on getting over it, I even joined a breakup site!
    Have to say, reading the billions and billions of sad and sorry tales did end up making me kick myself into reality. I joined an improving your brainpower site and played a game before I went searching, got addicted and am now wasting my time on something equally as useless and futile.

  22. Ky said:

    So this really helped….
    I just wish there really was someway to still be friends with my ex…. Even though it’s true that I just want him to be happy.
    The big problem for me though, is that he got a new girlfriend A WEEK after I broke up with him…. I don’t think anyone has a reason for that, but whatever, Im not letting it get to me.
    Thanks again!

  23. Max said:

    I did all this to a girl. She is not my girlfriend. We used to be very good friends. She already had a boyfriend who lived in another city. I and that girl used to hang out a lot. I was very very caring towards her, always listened to her, always being with her when she needed. I was her friend on whom she can rely on completely. Her boyfriend knew this. He used to think of me that if anything happens to her girl and when he is not there I will take care of her. She also used to care about me a lot and used to give me lot of importance. There was no chance of being in a relationship with her. She used to love her boyfriend a lot. This year in Feb her boyfriend got engaged to someone else, he didn’t told her about that. She was completely heart broken. Her behavior towards me changed completely. She didn’t wanted to talk to me, she didn’t wanted to be with anyone who show her love and care. I felt very bad but tried to control myself. She started talking to her other friends and started avoiding me. I used to get jealous when she made another male friend ( not a bf ) and started talking to him a lot. I also felt very bad when she said for her all her friends are equal, I m no special, I felt bad. I remained patient. But then something happened which made me a lot angry. But she also realized that she should not have avoided me. Now she was trying to be nice with me and I also became nice but didnt give her much attention. Then one day we all friends were hanging out, there was that new male friend also, and when I saw that now she is more comfortable with him, it made me a lot jealous. And things turned out very bad during a game, I started making indirect comments on her. And then we fought in front of everyone. Later I realized my mistake but I was still angry somewhere. When she confronted me for my behavior I told her remember how you used to avoid me. And since now you have new friends you dont need me anymore. This made her feel very bad. She was expecting that I will be a good friend and I wont hurt her because she was already very much hurt because of her boyfriend ( she lost the person whom she loved most, she was deeply in love and he left her ). I always used to take her out for movies, but now when she was angry with me she went for movie with her other friends. It made me more angry. I thought if I would have been in her place and felt insulted by her I would still not have gone for a movie without her. After some day she tried to forgive me that I insulted her. And her anger cooled down. During this time we had already stopped hanging out alone, but always with friends. Later we went for two movies with friends. Though I went for a movie I wasn’t feeling good that she went for a movie without me, didnt even invited me. I should have understood that she was angry, but even though I understood she was very angry I felt very bad about not inviting me for a movie. So when we went for another movie I told her I didnt enjoyed coming and again started unnecessary discussion. Said to her it is not important to invite me, you can go out without me, u have new friends u dont need me. This made her angry. After two days we planned to go to a disc with friends. We were chatting when somehow I again started the bad discussion. And then I said to her if she is having so much prob with me dont invite me. She said it will look very bad, her friends will think what is all this and plan will get cancelled. I said ok I will come but this will be the last time she will see my face. This hurt her deeply. She said cant you understand that a girl is already so deeply hurt and instead of making her happy you are hurting her more, she said she feels so much bad about herself that in 24 years of her life she cant prove herself right in front of anyone. On that day we went to a pub, she had lot of drinks. Later we went for drive. Because she was a lot drunk she said in front of everyone that I m her best friend but I dont understand her. Even her ex-boyfriend says that though he is not with her but he believes that I will never ever let anythng happen to her and will always take good care of her. She said to me please never say that I will never go out with her again. I said ok. Next day I did something really bad which again hurt her. After dropping to her home I went to my home and made a call to her. Her friend had called me and told me she is crying a lot. When I called her she was crying a lot and she said to me you will never again find a friend like me, you never tried to understood me, u insulted me twice in front of your friends, i was avoiding you earlier because after my breakup I thought I could never be the same person and that’s the reason I was avoiding you so that I dont hurt you, but u understood nothing. That made me feel very much guilty about myself. Next day I planned for a movie but she said she is not willing to. Next day she said everyone wants to go for a movie, lets go. I made a stupid comment that I know I cannot convince but your friends can convince you always. She replied she doesnt want to go home, she wants to go out so I agreed for a movie, I know you wont trust me, but this is the reason. I have so much of bloody ego inside me that I again had a little argument with her, she said to me u never understood me, but now she doesnt care. She tried last time on that day when she cried a lot on phone, but no more. Next day we all went to amusement park, she just doesn’t wanted to be at home, her boyfriend marriage was on next day. Her behavior towards me on that day was different and towards other friends different. After that day we hardly spoke, One week later we went to a disc. There I came to know about that she went for bowling with friends but didnt invited me. This made me angry inside and I again started arguments, that now she gives more importance to her friends than to me. and it not et all necessary that I should come everywhere with her. I said few more stupid things and she said she doesnt want to discuss anything. On that day I dont know from where I realized that I should keep my ego aside else I will loose her forever. I asked to go on a ride. We all went. I saw that her behavior towards her that male friend was better but towards me it was ok. Anybody could have said that she is more friendly with him than with me. She also said that she tells so much of her personal things to her this male friend. It made me very sad. Because earlier she used to tell all those things to me. Her behavior towards me now is like she cares very less. And there is no need for her to talk to me much. She also talks a lot to that male friend now. But I understand that all this is because of my stupid ego. I admit that I love her, I do care for her a lot. Even when she was avoiding me and when she did somethng that really hurt me I was ready to do anythng for her. But now I feel I have completely lost her, even as a friend. earlier because of my anger I used to say to her that she doesnt need me, but now I know that she really doesn’t need me. During her bad days I was so bad to her. My ego overpowered my love. Now she really doesnt has to share her feelings with me, she can share with that male friend. And after somedays I will become totally useless for her. I cant go and tell her how much I love her, she stills loves her boyfriend a lot. Moreover in past few months I have not done a single thing that will make her happy that I care for her or love her. Things have become awkward, we dont talk much. Moreover when she is so sad these days she can share all her feelings to her that friend and not me. Now if she calls me to go out somewhere it will be just because of formalty. I feel so much guilty and so much angry about myself. I will go to any length to win her, to win her confidence and trust, if not her partner then atleast be a friend tht i used to be, her most imp frnd. I do love her a lot. But i realized that I have let my ego to overpower my love. And this can damage any relationship. I just dont know what to do now. I feel I have done irreparable damage to our friendship. But I truly want her in life. I’m one of those stupid guys who realize their mistakes only when they feel they have lost something which worth a lot. I want to hug her and tell her that I love her a lot, I can go to any length to win her trust, if I insulted her in front of her friends because of my anger I can go to any person and tell them that she is the best person I have ever met and I feel no shame in telling them that I love her. I just cant digest the face that I’m such a bloody egoistic person that I have hurt that person the most for whom I cared the most. I cant tell her all this now because I know she doesnt want to discuss all this even one bit. But I also feel that if things go on like this and even if I have realized my mistake, I cant do anything.
    But somehow I feel that now nothing is left for me. She has stopped speaking to me completely. She doesn’t want to meet me at all. Moreover now she is speaking to that guy a lot. They will speak to each other till late night. That guy has big big advantages over me. She finds him more attractive. They both are going through same situations. He will treat her well which I stopped doing. My only advantage is that I know very well is that no one can love her more than I do, but she doesn’t know that and I have done nothing to show that. I know they are bound to fall in a relationship with one another. And I’m sure she wants that, because right now she wants someone who can make her forget about her ex, and even he wants to forget about her ex. I know I should stop bothering that how much she speaks to him because that will make me more frustrated. Even if she forgives me someday that will only be because once I treated her well but I think that will be just a formality, in her heart she will never forgive me. I know she was never interested in me. But even if she would have thought once about me I killed every bit of that with my behavior. And now that thing will never rise again. I want to tell her that what I did in last month that wasn’t real me, I’m what I have always been with her. Even though I loved her I can never justify my actions. She will always say “that if you truly loved me you would have never treated me so bad when my time was not good. Seeing that I was so much hurt you would not have hurt me anymore. You would have always respected me, you would have tried to understand me, but u didn’t.”

  24. hm said:

    My ex is a bad person and does not deserve to be happy…but more power to him because someone else can deal with it. People don’t change..you need to remember that.

    • Casper said:

      Your bang on there, she was a absolute B*&Ch to me, cheating, constantly texting exes, denying everything, this is where your post comes into play….she does not deserve to be happy, and your right People do not change :)

  25. Thanks said:

    Perfect! Bookmarking this….

  26. Shell said:

    Was in a somewhat relationship for 10 months, he then told me that he didn’t have that spark for me. We had become best friends, but I was waiting for the love, which never happened. We ended it in January, he wanted to remain friends, I said no, I could not move on if I was still in contact with him. I did remain friends of FB, all though I blocked him from my newsfeed and did not snoop. I had it in my head that he would realize he loved me and come back, He texted a couple times in Feb, then once in March saying he did miss me. I then once a month text and said hi hope all is well. Finally in June my friend told me he has had a girlfriend for awhile and didn’t want to tell me. I was upset, but still didn’t know how serious it was. I did unfriend him after that. Just the other day I saw his profile pic on my friends FB page, it was of him and the new gf dressed up. I snooped and he even changed his status. And I seen a comment from her saying I love you. It hurts so bad that he never felt that way with me and in a short period of time he is doing way more stuff with her. I know you can’t make anyone love you and there is someone out there that will love me, But it just stings that I tried so hard and wanted him so bad and now he is happy and I am miserable.Trying not to snoop anymore. I just keep thinking of what I did wrong and think about them together, just tourchering myself basically. I can’t wait for the day that I don’t care anymore, I know it will happen, just sucks in the mean time.

    • Brad said:

      Hi Shell,
      I’m in the same situation as you are in. I and a girl were very good friends. She knew that I had feelings for her and all her friends knew. At that time she had a boyfriend in another city but I felt she also had crush on another guy in her office. But they hardly use to talk. Moreover we both use to go out a lot, we used to watch lot of movies, go for shopping, we use to meet every weekend. In the meantime she started developing friendship with that guy so she started talking to me less. And there were also problems in her relationship. Then her boyfriend got engaged. First thing she tried was to get rid of me. She started telling me that she doesnt want to look into past and that’s the reason she doesn’t want to talk to me, she avoided me a lot. I didnt said a word. I was very angry but I tried my best to make her happy. I always tried to do things for her which will make her happy. She kept avoiding me. Still I behaved nicely. Whenever she had to go out for shopping I would take her, she doesn’t has to ask me, she will tell she has to go for shopping and I would be there. I was doing all this bcoz I had feelings for her and always wanted to make her happy. I was so terribly wrong to do all that. While she was avoiding me I asked her one day to come for shopping with me as I have to buy tshirts. She said we will go some other day. In evening when I called her she told me that she has come for shopping with that guy and so could not talk to me now. I was very angry but I didn’t said a word I said that’s ok. Next day I told her I will come to her place to return her laptop and then will go for shopping. She told me she doesn’t want to go as she is not willing to go anywhere. I told her ok I will return her laptop, she said do it some other day, not today. She tried hard that I do not come to her place. I went for shopping in a mall, there I saw that she came with that guy. It made me very angry but still I remained quite. Moreover she shouted on me, who told you to come here, when I told you I do not want to meet you why did you came. I said sorry and I came back home. On that day I came to know that she had told her one of her friends that she thinks I want to make her girlfriend because she is single so she is avoiding me. I got angry that she always knew I had feelings for her but she used to go out with me because she knew nothing can happen between us.. Trust me I would have never asked her to be my girlfriend because I knew that that can never happen. But when she started avoiding me it made me angry but I never uttered a word no matter how bad I felt. She did lot of things which made me felt bad. After that shopping mall incident I stopped messaging her. And that guy left for his hometown for 3 weeks. She was alone here. Then she started messaging me and tried to patch up things. tried to show that we are as good friends as we were. I kept my anger inside but did all those things which she wanted me to do. The day when that guy came back we all friends went for an outing. While we were sitting at a friends place an argument started between us and it looked very ugly. Later I apologized but I told her she doesn’t need me as friend as she has new friends. She went for a movie with friends and didn’t invited me. I know I should not have felt bad about that I took her to so many movies and today she is avoiding me and going for a movie without me but still I felt bad. These days she was also disturbed that her boyfriend is getting married to some other girl. After few days she messaged me that she is feeling low so lets go out for a movie i said ok. 2 days later she wanted to watch another movie with friends she asked me to come. I went. But on that day I told her how much bad I felt that she went out for a movie with friends without me. We had an argument. Later we had many arguments but whenever she wanted something from me I gave her, I always listened to what she wanted. During this time her friendship with that guy was developing and it developed a lot. Now she was once again avoiding me completely. She wont return my calls. She will chat with that guy till late night but wont reply to me. We didn’t spoke for 1.5 months. But I still messaged her “All the best” for her exams. To those messages she replied thanks. I also had one exam in which I scored very good marks. This impressed her. After 1.5 months she messaged me for the first time she also asked me to take her for a treat. I took her but I also came to know that know she is very close to that guy and they also go out for shopping together. Even while sitting in front of me she called him and was speaking to him in a way that showed they are very close. All this completely broke me.
      I realized few things. If a person is not interested in you, no matter what you do they will never be, especially when they are interested in someone else. I also realized that never ever make some person your sole reason for happiness, they will always leave you. Never ever give someone more importance than yourself, they will have no respect for you, moreover you will loose your on self.
      I know they both might fall in a relationship and when I will come to know about that I will be frustrated. All this sucks, I m trying to distance myself from her, it is very difficult. I also know all this is my fault. And someday I will find someone who will reciprocate to my love, but till then it will suck.

      • Shell said:

        Wow Brad…..that sucks. But I can tell you she is not worth it and sounds like she was just using you. You deserve and will find someone that likes you. She just wanted you when she was not involved with anyone.It is best to distance yourself and get over her, the sooner you do, the sooner you can find the right one. You are right if they are not into you and don’t have those special feelings, it will never happen. We are all idiots for love at one point, I guess all we can do is just learn from our mistakes and try to move on and not repeat in the next relationship. And pray for the day it doesn’t hurt anymore…..good luck.

      • Brad said:

        Hi Shell,
        One of my friend once told me that the most common mistakes that we people do is that we make an image of that person in our mind and we love that image. We want it so much that we only see good things and ignore everything. We don’t realize that we are loving a image and not the actual person. And that’s where we fall. These things have taught me a lot. From now on I know what I have to do. I have to first get over this thing, if I don’t it will be a big problem. Next now I know that the first person who deserves the maximum importance from me is me only. If I don’t give importance to myself and my needs nobody else will give.

      • Steve said:

        So Chelle. how did it felt knowing that he had another gf. was he from Delaware, or from San Pedro, Ca

    • Steve said:

      it seemed to me he is from delaware, i new you’d cross me. but it’s all good now? i’m glad it’s all over now. and that’s the reason why i found her, during that time. and i had moved on from everything! good luck to you.

  27. Shell said:

    Yes you are exactly right, never thought of that. I am just lonely and upset he is in love with someone else in such short period of time. But I guess when the right one comes along it happens quickly and I was not the right one. I am use to being by myself and it was nice having someone, that is why it is so hard to get over and then now learning all this brought back the pain. Guess I gotta give it more time.

    • Brad said:

      Hi Shell,
      It’s not about the right one. That I can assure you. I feel if you are not into a person never ever give them any hope, no matter how hard they try. It’s better to break their heart in the beginning than later. I have so many memories with her, what for? We went to so many places and spend so much time together, but all that doesn’t make any difference on her. There is a girl at my workplace who used to like me. We were friends for a month when I came to know that she likes me. She is a nice girl so I didn’t wanted to break her heart and kept my distance from her. I never used to go out anywhere with her even when she used to ask me. Because I knew that I won’t be able to do that always and if spend a lot of time with her one day all this will hurt her. It will be difficult for her to cope up with all this. I know that if I go to her now she will be very happy but I do not want to. I should rather stay alone than be with someone so that I just do not feel alone. And someday if I find someone else what I will do with her, break her heart, of course not, so I should stay away from her.

    • Steve said:

      was that it very difficult for you chelle to get past everything w him. in De, that really sucks. cause i learned from personal experiences that there’s no such thing as real true love specialy when someone tells you that they will leave this world loving you. Right! and now that i know how it feels like to get betrayed by your ex after 2 yrs of closeness and then get to find out that love wasen’t real to me until, i meet her. and once more that was a tremendous change in my life? for me. i hope in your next relationship you can be very happy and fortunent i really do, goodluck hopefully you’ll get back w him.
      i sure hope that if its meant for me w her, i’ll know other wise if its not. It’ll be another women that will truly value and love and appreciate me for me. and i know she’s out there waiting for me as i’m waiting for her. and i’ll do anything to meet her, i’m glad that the worst part was over?
      and i was able to move on after all that i went throw? good luck to you chelle

  28. A said:

    This was a great read. My ex boyfriend and I were together for almost 5 yrs and within 6 months of our break up, he managed to move on. This hurt me a lot because when were together, he would tease on how I would be the one to move on within 6 months. Then he calls me to let me know he left her because he still loved me but by that time I already liked someone else. A year later after we have broken up, he calls me to let me know hes back with the same girl, they are planning on moving in together and that he just called me to prevent me from calling him (?????).
    Clearly have not been missing out on much, but one thing is for sure; I will not be picking up any kind of phone call with his name on it. Its time for me to move on, Ive been hung up on this situation since the day one and today it is where it will end.
    Thank you so much for this, and best of luck to you!

  29. Fabio said:


  30. Ale said:

    Wow reading all these comments has helped to realize I’m not the only one going through this, I thought I was crazy lol.
    About a year ago I broke up with my ex (6 year relationship) in the 6 years he cheated even physically and mentally abusive but the last year he was changing no more abuse just a little mental but not as before no more cheating that I knew off he had changed even bought me a ring but I just wasn’t able to look at him the same after everything I was not sure what I wanted , I was 22 and never got to truly party with my friends or hang out because he was a strong believer that we were each other’s bestfriends and he didn’t trust Me so we were together all the time towards the end I started wanting to hang with friends I was sick of being at home waiting on hos calls not knowing if he was out because I couldn’t trust him after everything it was just insane. One day I phone I had a tracker on my phone he was tracking everything from my texts my calls and website activities. I broke it off that was the one thing I just couldn’t handle I used it as the reason to leave when I could had left way sooner but wasn’t strong enough. He begged for a coupleof weeks but i kept strong and said no about a month in he was already all over facebook with different women, 5 months in he tried working it out I wanted him back but my mind knew it wouldn’t work I could never be with a man like him after living a normal life for once with no one telling me what to do or what to wear so I didn’t take him back. A week later he made it facebook offical with a girl with 3 kids from different men. He posted on my Google plus a couple of times about songs I would post how he missed my laugh or how the lyrics of the song reminded him of us etc but one day he deleted everything he ever wrote and I realized it was over so I deleted my Google plus and I haven’t heard from him yet now on facebook she writes everything they do how happy they are how he is the man of the house how they have a happy little family and now how they just got an apartment together… It hurts more then I expected I still can’t think of moving on I’m only 23 years old but my ego hurts seeing how happy he is after all the abuse I recieved from him and now hes making her happy well I’m here damaged…

    • Raw said:

      I totally understand how u feel Ale. I am in exactly same situation where he has gone and bought her diamond ring and took her overseas for a holiday. I had 3 kids with him. Life was hard, build us up from scratch but because of the abuse I walked away from everything. I had to start afresh and he is now high up in the company hierarchy. Went and bought her 70,000 car while am struggling with the kids. I feel so hurt. He keeps telling me he has changed and is a better man coz he doesn’t wanna lose his woman again. I feel hurt. Thinking why didn’t he change for me???? 17years I was with him and he decides to change today????

      • Ale said:

        I feel like what hurts most is our egos because we left because of abuse but feel like we were the ones left behind its unfair to see them happy and making someone happy when we stood with them through everything and we got the abuse its not fair.
        He told me that the girl after me will be treated great because he had changed and learned from what he did to me but I didn’t appreciate the change and I left so the next girl will get the best and Thad what he’s doing taking care of her and her kids when with me everything he every bought me he would break or take back I was left with nothing but damaged now he’s living it up brand new car and motorcycle and now apartment with her and her kids. Its not FAIR =(
        We did tight to leave so why doesn’t it seem like it

      • Sarah said:

        These are my thoughts after a year. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t value me, love me or cherish me. I want to be with someone who is kind and respectful. If someone doesn’t want to treat me like that, then that’s ok.

        Yes, I could make myself upset thinking of how he is with this new woman and it is wonderful. But here’s the thing, if this was someone who was able to be wonderful and loving, he would have been that way with me. From what I can see looking back, yes he was nice in some ways but he is not able to maintain a relationship and creates distance. He is abusive towards women, he doesn’t hit them or anything but he is very hurtful in other ways. He withdraws, blames others (women), and ‘disappears.’

        I realize that it’s my issue why I was with someone like that. I am working on that in therapy and I accept responsibility. But is he a better man now with this woman? I doubt it, I would imagine that he treats her disrespectfully and is not willing to take responsibility for his part in any problems. Just my thoughts, since that is what he was like with me and the five other women who are mothers to his six children.

  31. Michelle Cowles said:

    I was with my ex for 3 years on/off. He told me over and over that he did not want a serious relationship with anyone since he was divorced 3 times, the thought horrified him! So I was walking on eggshells almost the whole time I was with him, him pulling back then throwing me breadcrumbs, hoping against hope he would change his mind!.. when he moved in for the last 6 months we were together and started contacting other women on the internet I knew it was time to cut him loose. Fast forward only 6 months… he is not only serious with another girl half his age, he’s engaged! And he took her not once, but twice to exotic beach destinations! He wouldn’t even pay for my dinner!! Hurts so much to see how happy they are on facebook, her telling the world “he is THE ONE”. It’s been a year and a half since I’ve spoke to him, can’t be friends with him, to hurtful. I am 57 and I don’t have any more time to waste on this man but I thought he was my soulmate, unfortunately it was only me that thought that way. I don’t know if I can ever trust a man again.

  32. Angelo Tapia said:

    My ex gf started talking to someone during the fight that led to our breakup -.-

  33. Ale said:

    Crazy yesterday I get a call from a friend saying how my exs girlfriend is bad mouthing me on facebook I guess she goes on my facebook and saw me post songs from when I was with my ex and decided to write about me on her facebook saying that she’s an upgrade from me because I party and drink and that I need to get my life together.
    First of that sounds like something my ex would say because he wants a women at home that will be after him 24/7 a women that’s only his friend that jumps when he says jump etc and because now that I’m single I started going out now he’s bitter and now I guess his girlfriend wants to talk about me because she stalks my instagram and facebook I’m not going to write back because I’m better then that I’m not a child I’m to old for this. My ego is hurt like never before with their happiness because I don’t understand and never will understand how I was abused by him and now he’s happy with someone else after 6 years of us I know I’m the one that left him but didn’t expect him to be this happy I thought karma would finally get him after abusing me and all his exs instead he’s in a happy relationship well according to facebook ugh!!
    When I’m here damaged I go on dates but no one is good enough idk if its just me but I need a break from relationships I need to find myself as stupid as it sounds I need to find out who I am, because for 6 years I wasn’t myself =/

  34. lyn said:

    Going through the same thing most of y’all are going through. My boyfriend of three years left me 4 months ago. And I’m just here, like, I’ve got good days and bad days.just this evening saw another chick as his display picture and I think she’s the new girl. I thought I was fine. I thought I was strong. But now, I want to start crying all over again. I want to punch him in the face and scratch his eyes out. I don’t want him to be happy. I don’t!! So much hate bubbling in my heart. I’m still hurting and he’s moved on?? I wanna howl at the moon and scream in anger. How, how do I ever get past this? :(

  35. Philip said:

    I have a question… How are some people supposed to be happy for their ex’s?
    For example, myself. My ex cheated on me throughout most of our relationship. And as time goes on, I unintentionally find out more and more times that she did that. Though as far as my knowledge goes their was never any actual physical cheating, when you love someone and you hear them say “I love you” or see them write it to someone else it’s like stabbing a stake into your heart. She did this right up until I told her I’d had enough (2.5 years into our relationship) and called it off. Two hours later she obviously had a new boyfriend. Actually, minutes after I moved out of our apartment.
    I still love her, as much as I hate to admit it almost 6 months after our break up. And each day I try to move on more and more. But, there is still something keeping me upset with it all and I can’t seem to find closure.
    Point of the story is, how can I be happy for her being with him, when she treats him the way I should have been treated? When she was merely acting the part for me, and not really believing it the whole time? Dragging me along for the ride and as an easy ticket when she was in a difficult situation.
    How am I ever supposed to get over that, especially when I still love her, let alone be happy for her?

    • Casper said:

      LOL, Dude im in that boat too, well close enough, yeap within a couple of hours she was with someone new, someone she says she really likes, told me she never wants to hear from me again, Im thinking over the last 2 years when you say I LOVE YOU, or itll be only us forever? REALLY….well anyway over my 2 years the 1st was the best ever then the 2nd turned to hell, im guessing thats where the cheating came into it.
      I know I can find someone that will love me better then the way she did, Im gonna stay positive through out this.
      But I still ask myself why do I still love her, or have feelings for her, hmmm if she knocked on my door tomorrow asking me to take her back will I?

  36. noone said:

    my ex is in another relationship with a woman who has no life except for him and she recently moved far away, which means he has to fly to see her. he’s been there 2x now and she hasn’t come here yet, and she makes good money. he doesn’t make a lot of money, needs to fix his auto, and now broke some bones and has that to pay for, as well as a weekly commitment every friday that he needs to attend or…his life could be really screwed, even more so.
    she has no self-esteem, he is her world even though they both have kids, and i hate watching him in this relationship b/c she is so desperate and needy. it’s embarrassing. she also looks exactly like his other ex, which makes me even more sick. at least his other ex is funny and very likeable. this woman…gees….i’m exasperated. this is tough.
    thanks for listening to me dump/vent…we have been friends for over 20 years. i hate watching him do stupid things.

  37. rukea said:

    Hey, just came across this, and i must say, it hit right home. Everything you mentioned we’re NOT suppose to do, you guessed it, i did it/ still doing it. So, now you’ve just confirmed everything i knew i was suppose to do from the get go. So thank you so much :)

    That being said, now i do have a question, regarding the ”not talking part”. My ex and i have been speaking, daily may i add. So if i just stop talking, im concerned with what impression that’ll give her, seeing that ive told her im fine. So would you suggest i tell her why i can’t keep talking to her, or would you say, i should just keep my distance?

  38. Katie D. said:

    My ex of one year broke up with me six months ago. Too many details to share, but bottom line, I can’t move on totally. I feel like there was so much left unsaid between us. I don’t know how he can just put me out of his mind for ever. I feel like if he’s the person I thought he was, he’ll at least revisit what went wrong in our relationship and realize we should try again.

    I want so badly to start over knowing what I know now about myself and about him.
    I am meeting new people and enjoying these new relationships, but nothing seems to compare and more than anything else, I want to try again, or simply be able to move on.

    I can be stronger about taking steps to shake this, but part of me can’t stop wondering ‘what if’ and I want to believe in magic and the beauty of forgiveness and honestly, what a powerful experience it would be to rekindle our love…. I sound crazy.

  39. Reen said:

    This is a great post and advice. Difference with me is that me and the guy I was with since 2011. Had been through a bit much through are relationship. Now rock bottom has hit for me I got pregnant In March of this year and was overly stressed about alot, I would ask him was he talking to someone and he would say things like do you think I’m honestly going to get with somebody with all were going through we’re having a baby this and that. So I started finding things out through sources and things like that even with him still denying it. Then one day I texted him saying I know exactly who the girl was because I got tired of him denying it. So June 17th he texted me saying yes I moved on and talking to someone who has a little daughter. And now we have a little daughter on the way in November and this by far has been the hardest thing to deal with. He told me he wasn’t in love anymore and for me to move on and get over him. So I completely tried by not talking to him at all. He still bothers me now saying he apologize and stuff like that and how he wants to be friends I just can’t see myself being friends with him at all he wants to be happy have his cake and eat it too. While I go through all I go through alone. Worst pregnancy experience ever I just don’t know what to do but pray

  40. anna said:

    I’m so glad I just found this as it has instantly cheered me up. I was with my boyfriend on and off for the the last 8 months and I messed him around a lot(unintentionally). I do really care about him but we never clicked so I finally ended it three weeks ago.We were still talking a lot until I noticed him putting a lot of happy status’s on facebook(stupid site!) and he stopped talking to me .I knew at that point he had met someone else.When I asked him about it he admitted it and said it had nothing to do with me .I know he is right but I don’t get how he can go from me to her in just two weeks. He is saying that there is something magical between them and that its amazing.I have mixed emotions in that I am glad he has found someone who appreciates him but also feel awful about the fact that he has gone from being in love with me to being besotted with someone else so fast.I have felt sick and havnt stopped crying for the past three days and I don’t know what my problem is. Is it a case of ‘You don’t know what you’ve got til its gone’, is it my ego or am I just feeling bitter about having been replaced so fast?! I hate the fact that now that she is in his life, we will not even talk to me.I feel like I am going crazy here, help!!

  41. Patricia said:

    I told my husband of 11 years (17 total together) this past April that I wanted a divorce. Throughout or marriage we had many issues around step-family dysfunction (his two kids) that left me resentful and angry most of the time between great time together without the kids around. Things got bad when they got to be college age and lived with us during the school year. I had tons of resentment for all the cooking and work I put into making us a family under one roof only to be met with contempt, and disrespect from the kids with no emotional support from him – and no real parenting from him either. I was forced into the role of the bad guy because he wouldn’t deal with how the kids acted in our home. We had a last-straw incident that led us back to the marriage counsellor for the third time but changes on his part didn’t stick. After a family member survived cancer I sort of woke up to the reality that I didn’t want to spend another day/month/year with the anxiety, resentment and kids that didn’t like me. I told him I wanted a divorce in mid-April.

    We had our separation agreement drawn up and signed June 2013 just after he moved out in late May. It’s now August 16th and he’s with a new woman as of six weeks ago. He is with her right now (I’ve done my research) on a trip to introduce her to his family back east. She has been introduced to his kids and he has told me that it’s a serious relationship.

    My “research” also turned up real estate listings the two of them are looking at. Needless to say I’m devastated. I did leave him for some serious reasons but now that he’s with someone else I’m so confused and emotionally distraught I don’t even know what to do. All the good memories are flooding back and I’m asking myself if we did enough to save the marriage before I bailed out. I’m sick to my stomach and inside out feeling. I meet my new therapist on Monday and as long as I can hold on until then all is good. I’m not contemplating hurting myself, but the pain is searing and I just want it to be done with. Grief really really sucks no matter who left who.

    I hope all of you reading this well past your own pain and on your way to a life filled with joy, happiness, and love. My wish for myself is that I too get to a place of peace and healing.

  42. Bob Ganiey said:

    The reasons to do these three things, as explained by the author, basically only apply to relationships that ended respectfully and with closure. My narcissist ex-girlfriend, who used, abused and hurt me throughout our relationship and continued to do so after the breakup, doesn’t deserve to be happy. She doesn’t not deserve any respect. So what should we do to move on when we don’t have closure, your ex disrespects you and talks bad about you?

  43. Lulu said:

    Thanks for the advice, it is really helpful. I may not be in that same situation, but I’m just fearful that it may happen to me. My husband and I are seperated because I found out he was writing another woman behind my back ( well there is more to it then that, he was also abusive) I left him, and he still trying to get back with me. I really don’t want to be back with him, but at the same time I’m scared he will find someone else because it was so easy for him to do that during our marriage. I’m very insecure now and I think that he is talking to all these girls behind my back. It really drives me crazy. I don’t know why I’m writing this to you, I guess I just need some one to listen to me. Thanks

  44. Okay guys ! Think Positive !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If they moved on you could too .. if they forgot you, you can do the same ! ? Hellooo ???? if anything you should be glad you met them and glad you had the time of your life with them, but you have to move on and love yourself enough to keep on with your journey and do what you do best, ex’s are like old clothes you donate them or throw them away, someones trash could be someone elses treasure remember that ?? ?& your ex she/shes thinking about you wether hes single or not, hes/shes always thinking about YOU !!!!!!

  45. Jenn said:

    Myself and my ex are only in our teens, however, we were together for quite some time and when he broke up with me (it was New Years) I was torn. He told me that he stopped liking me and he wasn’t into me anymore. I didn’t eat for 4 days. I downloaded this app to try to get him back but it didn’t really help. He never initiated contact at all and when one of his friends asked if he missed me (Infront of me) he said that he didn’t. Today I was told that he likes someone else now and I heard she’s a whore. I feel like he isn’t the nice person that he used to be and idk why!! I miss the old him that was down to earth and I just really want him back! Now he’s really cold and heartless towards me. I’m going to be seeing him at camp (where we met) and if he goes with another girl to the annual “square dance” I will be torn! I want to go with him even just as friends.. Someone please help!!

  46. Nameless said:

    I thought true love would conquer money but my ex of 2 years told me that no it doesn’t . You meet this girl and for almost a year and half yoru happy with hopes and dreams of moving forward, then the unthinkable a conversation saying im not happy and i dont want this..we did everything together not everyday but we just enjoyed the times we had…all gone i was lonely scared for the first time in my life..she systematically put me out of her life internet and cell wise…its been a struggle even when i would hear things like i broke up with you cause you dont provide for me..your holding me back..i swear i never did those things she was always free to do what she wanted and most of the time i would pay for her meals going out…its sad really when we both talked about how connected we were and to know hear her say the last 3 months she was pretending to love me…:( i will admit i called and text a 3-4 times a week this past month but i just felt alone..i believe in love and i know i will find the girl but just remember love yourself and others will follow..

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