Ever so often, it feels like the internet and I come to a disagreeable resting place for a time. I get tired of it and it gets tired of me. For a few weeks, everything I see, read, or watch annoys me for some inane reason or another, while at the same time, no matter what I do; no matter what I tweet; no matter how great I think my writing is or how awesome I think I’m being, the response is the same—fla, or just nonexistent. And that’s frustrating to someone like me because I basically live on the internet (sad as that sounds). My existence—my writing, my purpose, my connections, my ministry—is found within the intertwined fibers of the internet. This is not an easy thing to always appreciate, to be completely honest, yet it is what it is and I’ve come to accept it for the time being. But when that restlessness sets in, when I become uneasy with all that I find and what kind of response I receive, I become agitated and tired of it all. I become discouraged. Right this moment, I am in the midst of such tiredness.
I’m tired of everyone being offended by everything.
I’m tired of hearing “rebels” rail against consumerism as they text on their iPhones and drive brand new cars their parents bought them.
I’m tired watching all of us beg for significance by boasting about going to the gym or bragging about where we’re going or what we’re doing or what we’re eating.
I’m tired of we Christians doing whatever we want, only to publicly “thank” God for His forgiving grace later. It’s abusive, selfish, and opportunistic.
I’m tired of people complaining about their situation when they have 100% control to change it and make it better.
I’m tired of hearing people scream about saving the environment as they drive SUV’s.
I’m tired of listening to people talk about what needs to change within the USA only to then adamantly refuse to actually do anything about it.
I’m tired of anything I write that has nothing to do with love or relationships being mostly disregarded and ignored.
I’m tired of braggarts, self-centeredness, and those who pity only themselves.
I’m tired of individuals with no morals and even less talent being given television shows, book deals, and movies.
I’m tired of abuse from faceless usernames who cowardly attack from the anonymous safety of their keyboards.
I’m tired of writing constantly without seeing any actual growth or change in who I reach, the difference I make, or how much good I’m doing (I get that all of that falls on me, but that doesn’t’ make me any less tired of it).
I’m tired of waiting for my time to come.
I’m tired of the total pedestrian writing that a majority of blogs have. Instead, I want fire and I want to be moved. That doesn’t happen anymore.
I’m tired of the passive aggressive nature our generation has adopted as the means of addressing a situation without actually speaking directly to the person they have an issue with.
I’m tired of endless drama from immature individuals who thrive on the messes they cause.
But what will change? What will be different the next time I post some asinine soliloquy about how to get a boyfriend or why your girlfriend hates you? Probably nothing. All I know is that I’m tired right now. I’m tired of it all. Maybe I’m burnt out and maybe I need a break. Maybe I’m just not satisfied with what I’ve accomplished or who I am at this point in my life.
What truth I do possess tells me that I can’t quit. I’ve been given a purpose and that purpose has yet to be fulfilled. And the best place to do that—for now—is here on the blessed/cursed internet. All I can do is march on, focus on my mantle, and pray for a revitalization to spring into my bones. I have faith that it will come soon enough. It always does.
Until then, I simply write on…