Over the last ten months, I’ve written about relationships quite a bit. It’s a subject that’s close to my heart because I believe our generation is somewhat lost when it comes to the intricacies of love and relationships, and the pain that can accompany them. I’ve never claimed to have all the answers, but I do have experience with these things, and if you can learn from the mistakes I’ve made or the pain I’ve experienced, then I’ve done my job and fulfilled my purpose.
However, during these past ten months, there’s one subject I haven’t yet covered and I feel downtrodden for having not done so because of the importance this subject possesses. So today, I right my wrongs and rectify my shortcomings (well, this one anyway). Today, this is that.
Often times while in a relationship, whether in the beginning stages or after some progression, we find ourselves compromising on what we expect from the relationship or how we’re treated within the actual workings of the relationship. Because we’re afraid of losing this person we’ve grown to care about, we find ourselves putting up with things we wouldn’t normally have the patience for. While this is going on, we can justify it by making the claims “Well, I guess I can be kind of high maintenance sometimes” or “They’ve got a lot going on, so I shouldn’t be so demanding” or even worse, “I don’t think I’m worth the effort, so I’ll just be happy with what I get” (this has literally been said to me by actual people).
We love and care about this person, and because we’re frightened by the notion of them leaving us, we settle with a relationship that has become something less than what we imagined for ourselves. When the truth is that each of us deserves to have whatever kind of relationship we want or need. We’re allowed to require a certain level of behavior or respect from our significant other. And if they’re not willing to meet the standard that we’ve set for ourselves, they should be shown the door and thanked for their time.
I don’t write these words so all of us can begin to be these high demanding types who bark orders at their boyfriend/girlfriend and expect the world delivered at the snap of a finger. But I do contest that we deserve to be shown respect in how we’re treated in our relationships.
Ladies, your guy needs to understand that while you’re as sweet as a Georgia peach, you do require that he treat you and your relationship with the kind of respect that keeps him from ignoring you for hours or days at a time. He needs to grasp the concept that you require his level of effort match yours when it comes to working on your relationship (and the same goes for men with their ladies).
Guys, you may love your girl and want nothing but the best for her, but she needs to know and understand that you’ve set a certain standard for yourself and being treated disrespectfully by your partner doesn’t fall within those boundaries. She should readily acknowledge that while you do love her, your love for her doesn’t allow for you to put up with emotional abuse or mind games (and the same certainly goes for ladies with their men).
And even though we may set the guidelines we have for ourselves, we can’t expect our partner to automatically know and abide by these standards if we haven’t shown them what it is that we require. Communicate with them; sit down and discuss what he/she expects from you while you share the same with them. Communication is the key to any successful relationship, but a close second is requiring your mate to meet a certain level of respect in how they act within the confines of your relationship.
Each of us deserves goodness in our relationship, but it’s up to us to require it from this person we’re attached to.
Respect is given when it is required. Choose to require it in your relationship.