I Don’t Pray
I don’t pray.
I’m a Christian—at least I claim to be—who doesn’t make a concerted effort to speak with the One whom he calls Savior. The saddest part of this confession is that not only do I realize that I don’t pray, but I also realize why I don’t pray.
It’s because I’m terrified of losing control of my own life—or what I feel is control. I feel that if I pray and become closer to God, then the decisions I’ve made for the future will be voided due to His will overtaking my own desires and dreams. I mean, what if they don’t match up and I’m not able to do what I want? And although I realize from the teachings I’ve heard all my life that His will and ways are infinitely wiser and better for me, I still choose to hold onto my own starving determination to do what I want to. Sure, at church or in a praying group, I bow my head and utter a few sparse words, but rarely—if ever—do I break myself down to my barest of emotions and truly seek the face of God. I know that I need to do this and that I need to do this on a steady basis—but I don’t.
Yesterday signaled the start of a new year, and even as I try to stay away from the prototypical “fresh beginning” type of post, I know that this change is needed in my life. I should be praying and seeking God’s will for my life; I’ll be happier and more fulfilled if I did so. It only takes me deciding to toss away my old stubborn ways and choosing to chase after Him; through prayer, through fasting, through supplication.
New year or not, I can and should be a better Christian.
And that begins with prayer.
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Great post that I needed to hear. Thank you for your honesty in all of your posts!
Surrendering your own dreams and desires to God is difficult, but that doesn’t mean you’ll never achieve them, or that you won’t have your own amazing experiences along the way. Although not a Christian example, you can look at the movie Up for example. You know the scene where the old man looks through his deceased wife’s old Adventure Book, and sees that she’s added pictures of their life together? Their dream was to travel, but even though she didn’t get to, she still had a really great journey of life. Hope that makes sense and makes it a bit clearer.
It’s an everyday struggle, and everyday we have to make the choice to let God work out His plan for our lives, not our own plans. Not many people are willing to admit this like you just did, and it’s an encouragement to me–somebody whose prayer life isn’t as thriving as it should be. God bless you, Mr. Copeland! I know God has big things lined up for you– perhaps a book?
I’ll be praying for you. It’s good to be honest with yourself in your walk with Christ. I promise once you start praying more often, you will here His voice pulling you in the places you are meant to go. God wants the best for you. He knows your desires of your heart. Be free and open to new ideas. I used to worry about everything, because I’m a control freak. I am a film director, so it comes by the nature of things. Anyway as soon as I cast my fears, anxiety to him. I feel comforted knowing, that I’m acknowledging his presence. That I can’t take it all and lift the weight of the struggles on my own. I love your posts, and this was a bold move to talk about. Bless you in the coming year.
Read the book Desire by John Eldredge. It may change your views.
I appreciate your honesty and I don’t think you will ever regret deciding to pray more! Prayer changes things
I have written a post a post on reasons why we should pray in case you want to read it to add some fuel to your resolve. By the way I loved your tweet on modesty – that’s how I ended up here, because I saw a RT of it.
Thanks, Rhoda! I appreciate your encouragement and kind words.
-C
Ah-this is so awesome. I’m in the same boat as you and also need to dedicate more time to prayer. Thank you for being so honest Cory, it’s inspiring!
Thanks for reading, Tessa!
-C
I think realizing where you fall short and being honest enough to admit your faults is the first step to learning, by the grace of God, to overcome them.