Whoa, Girl
Ohhhh, females. I feel for you. I really do. This whole life is unfair to your kind. Not only do you have to deal with that vicious monster known as the “monthly visitor”, but you also have to do the whole pregnant thing; and just those things alone are enough to drive a sane person cray-cray. Men got off so easy. You have my sympathies. Really.
But that’s not all! We men get special considerations and treatment when it comes to romance too. What happens when a man confesses his penchant for the lovely and romantic sides of life, searching for a faithful wife and eternal love? He’s considered to be a “sensitive” man who understands the needs of a woman. He’s even seen as a man that a woman would be lucky to have and to hold. But is the reverse true? No way! If a girl focuses her time and energy on finding a husband and/or love, she’s seen as “desperate” and “lonely”…maybe even “boy crazy”. Totally unfair, you guys. I’m on your side here.
This brings me to the main question of the day:
If a girl likes a guy, is it acceptable for her to pursue him?
I want to say that the answer is an easy one. I do. I wish I could—but it’s not. Why? Because some things just aren’t done, woman! Now, I know there are some of you out there that are literally spitting at the screen right now in hatred for me and my views, but stick with me. I (sometimes) know what I’m talking about (probably).
It is my deeply held belief that a woman—any woman—should be pursued. She is worthy of the attention and effort a man should provide in his pursuit of her and her heart. You may find this mindset to be archaic, but the truth is, I believe most of you would agree with me. A woman is—quite literally—a gift from God. Yet, this gift isn’t to be assumed for possession, but rather respectfully approached with deliberate concentration. It’s a gift that must be earned—just like Simba’s birthright! (No, I didn’t just compare women to The Lion King….okay, maybe I did. Moving on…)
Now, with all that being said, what happens when a young lady just isn’t getting pursued the way she wants to? THEN is it okay for her to round up the bloodhounds and set out on a hunt? Eh…
In today’s post-modern world, women are seen as equals now more than ever. Just let me warn you: men like to be pursued, but only up to a certain point. Yes, it’s cute for a girl to let a fella know she’s interested, but when she starts asking him out on specific dates, opening his door, and paying for his meals, he’s probably going to feel emasculated. It’s just man’s nature (insert Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor grunt here).
But what do you do when you think a guy is interested in you, but he’s not making a move even though you really want him to because oMg hE’s A tOtAl hOtTiE aNd YoU wAnT tO bE hIs GiRlFrAnD? You mean besides just walking up to him and saying, “Hey…I like you. Do what you want with that information” (because that’s just too embarrassing, CORY!!!)? Pull a Summer and just go make-out with your Tom in the copy room (I’M KIDDING!). It’s easy: if you’re interested, show him. Talk to him, laugh at his jokes, smile at him, etc. If a guy is halfway intelligent, he’ll pick up on your interest (‘cause you guys are totally obvious by the way—even when you think you aren’t). Hopefully, if he’s interested, he’ll make that move you’ve waited so long for. If he isn’t interested, he isn’t interested. Accept it, and focus your attention and energy elsewhere.
In the end, remember that you’re worthy of a proper pursuit. You’re worth his deliberate concentration. It’s okay for him to be the one to ask you out. It’s even okay for him to be the one to ask for a second, and a third, and a fourth date. Let him pursue you, and you’ll find out just how interested he is.
Let him pursue you, and you’ll realize just how worthy of that attention you really are.
(I like to keep it funny on the Twitter. Follow me here. Thanks for reading!)
I just don’t get it. Why wouldn’t you want a guy to open the door and pay for your meals? It’s not rocket science, ladies. Free food, flowers, and very little physical exertion. Can’t beat that.
Seriously, I’d be okay with having a meal or two paid for, just saying. I also wouldn’t mind being approached and knowing someone is interested in me rather than being in the dark. I am not a mind reader like Mel Gibson.
part of me loves this whole “equality” thing b/c heck…it lets me pursue a career and do crazy things that women not that long ago could only dream about.
but the lines on roles of men and women have become so blurry…and part of that i think is due in part to the redefining of marriage and extremists in the feminist movement today. there’s gotta be a balance right? i think “traditional” old soul girls would love to be pursued and part of them still hopes chivalry isn’t dead, but then there’s this fear of being looked down upon by other women with more liberal feminist thinking. And if you’re a girl in the work place you’ve got to pull your weight and prove yourself (not all jobs, but definitely the industry I’m in).
And I feel sorry for the guys too. I’m guessing a lot of them at first tried to do the whole holding the door thing but God forbid you suggest that women are helpless! Some of the guys now are just lazy b/c they’ve know the girls are “in control” now so they can just lay low and let things fly.
the part of me that is an old soul wants that traditional courtship and guy to pursue me and win my love. but there’s this very “modern” me that seriously struggles with it…”well, maybe i should pay for this meal? i mean we both have jobs, why should he pay for everything?” Holding doors, opening car doors, and anything like that is serious foreign territory for me so I’m always startled and unsure when it happens. it feels weird. i’m a definite mixture of traditional/non so i guess i’ll have to be flexible for whoever’s to come…
Are we really that obvious? I feel like guys are pretty dense about this sometimes.
Cory,
I totally agree with your entire article. Coming from an old-fashioned Mexican family, it’s pretty much been drummed into my very bones since I was little. Most of my girl friends are the kind of girls that pursue the guys they’re interested in and they don’t understand why I prefer not to. I’m okay with that though, I love the idea of being pursued.
And in all honesty, if you really think about, we are all being pursued each and every day into a Divine Romance with God! =)
Thanks for the great read!
Oh, and by the way, great movie and t.v. references!
I used to feel like I had to get his attention, get his attention, get his attention. Every time I tried that I ended up heartbroken. When I decided I was too broken to even think about a man, one came sneaking up into my life, pursuing ME, getting MY attention. He has encouraged me to stop neglecting my wounds and really to seek healing and the ability to forgive those who took advantage of me. Is he a keeper? We’ll see! The point is, they’re out there, the chivalrous and “old-fashioned” ones. They’re out there, girls!So, no need to be aggressive.
Great post, Cory!
Cory, You’re absolutely right. Ive always been the guy to pursue a girl, but only after I’ve assessed the pro’s and con’s of a relationship. I’m patient at first, and then when I realize that there is a decent chance of marriage material, I would chase after her like a man with confidence. Girls loved it. The girls that came on to me did come off as needy, but I can’t say I blame them(I don’t mean that as “who wouldn’t come on to this sexy hunk of man?”, cuz thats just gross if you know me) but honestly girls just keep praying and God will send the right guy your way.
But, my thoughts on who is marriable is completely different from God’s plan. So after my last two relationships started out good and ended in a heart wrenching trainwreck, I’m gonna make sure I have a relationship with God as my foundation before I even pursue another girl. And my foundation will be laid of “no spooning and no French kissing until marriage”. I absolutely love doing both of those, but I want the next person I kiss passionately to be my wife, and I cherish the chance to get to know my future wife for who she really is, and not what she can do.
Imagine how close you can get to someone emotionally and intellectually if you spend your time together not making out or spooning? We would be best friends in three or four months. I believe that’s the way God intended relationships to be, because (this is my opinion, with no specific verse to back me up) extended relationships only increase the chances of heartbreak and mistakes and compromises.
Guys what do you think? Am I crazy?
I like the way you write
Thank you!
my friends and i are ALWAYS talking about this. i’m glad to hear that the other side also believes that “chivalry isn’t dead” & girls should be pursued. YAY!