Dear Future Wife,

Now that I have an inkling of who you are, I feel I can be a bit more specific and direct than I was the first time I wrote you. It’s not to say this entry discredits the last; rather, I wish to add more of the same sentiments so that you’ll know what I feel and hope for you, and for us. Writing to you now, like this, feels like an exercise in humility and faith, because with you, in you, I have been humbled and made to feel whole.

Here are my continued thoughts and feelings written with only you in mind, sweet soul.

I pray my words find you with a smile on your face. Because that certain smile, the one you’ve reserved for me, that smile saves the wayward man and sets the captured free. My, my, my, what beauty you hold in that smile you’ve created just for me.

I wish I could say that you’ll be my first. My first kiss, my first softly-held hand, my first swim in the deepened leagues of made love…but that falls far from the desperate truth. I have very few firsts left. I’ve used them all up on those who were not you, and therefore were not right for all that I gave them. I regret to have so little fresh things to offer you. Instead, if you’ll allow, I’ll give you everything I have left, the rest of me, forever and always. I pray you find that, and me, to be enough.

For the first time, my future has a companion with which to build toward eternity. Never before have I been dealt such feelings of freedom and certainty. But I feel those things in what we have. You’ve set my forever free, and in you, I’ve found my blessed assurance.

Let me make this as sophisticated and classy as I can: babe, morning, noon, or night—and every time in-between—I got you (if you know what I mean). Got it? Good.

You’ve changed me. Before you, I felt as though lonesome was something I could do. Before you, I felt somewhat complacent and “okay”. But now that you’ve become such a large and important part of my life, I realize that there was a hole in me, in my life. It wasn’t a glaring absence, but once you found me, my eyes and heart were opened to the realization that I’d been missing such a massive part of my being without even realizing it. Ignorant to the existence of such bliss, I was missing you.

They say we can’t have everything we want, and for most of my romantic life, this has been true. Again and again, I made concessions and sacrifices in what I wanted or preferred, simply so I would have someone. But with you, there isn’t a single thing I don’t love and ache for. Everything about you is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner, a friend, a lover, and a soulmate. I hope for hope’s sake that I offer a tenth of the satisfaction you’ve brought to my life.

I believe in you. In all of you. I believe in your dreams, in your talents, in your abilities. You’ve can do anything you set your beautiful mind to, and I count it a blessing to be there beside you to witness it all, supporting you and urging you on. I’m your biggest fan, darling, and I hope and pray and believe you will always succeed. My faith in you is without equal.

My past isn’t one that many women would care to venture. They see the hastened mistakes I’ve made, the hearts I’ve broken, and the tears I’ve caused, and they prefer to stay away. But you saw me for what I am and what I’ll be instead of who I was and what damage I caused. I don’t know why you felt I was worthy of your time, effort, and love, but I cherish the fact that you did and continue to day after day. I promise to earn your love every single day and work for what we have. I pray you never feel the negative scants of being taken for granted. Instead, I hope you forever and always feel as though you are loved, respected, and cared for, because that is what I will always strive to make you feel and experience.

I thank God every day for allowing me to be the man you invest your time and life with. Such a beautiful blessing I don’t even come close to deserving. And yet, I remain thankful.

Until next time, love of my life.

-C

When I started this blog many moons ago, the idea and mission was to allow those who read these words to learn from the mistakes I’d made in the areas of God, life, and love. And to the best of my abilities, I’ve laid out many different mistakes I’ve made so you all could do just that. Admitting some of my mistakes haven’t been easy, but I consider the unveiling of my shortcoming worth it if just one soul is saved some of the heartache and pain that I’ve felt and caused.

The main source of material—as you’ve probably noticed—is the many missteps I’ve made in the romantic relationships I’ve had. One such mistake that I’ve made more than most is that of communication—or more accurately, the lack thereof.

In the past, I’ve found myself hesitant to share what I’m feeling and going through. Communicating just exactly what was going on with me was difficult because I knew that if I allowed someone to see the truth, then how they viewed me and their opinion of me would be altered. And that was hard for me to accept. What if I was suddenly seen as weak or unworthy because of a weakness I felt or an issue I was facing? What if bringing a problem I was having with them to light led to a fight that ended our relationship and I was left alone again? These questions and 10,000 more ran through my head to the point of exhaustion, so I merely buried the willingness to communicate deep down and dealt with things on my own.

Not only did this lead to more than once instance of me suddenly blowing up at my partner for seemingly no reason, but I also felt like I was being eaten at from the inside. All of that rubbish I’d buried down low was causing me pain—both physical and emotional.

And it’s with those feelings in the back of my mind that I now make a concerted effort to communicate and share any concerns or issues I may be having. And what’s more, I’ve asked my partner to bring the concerns and issues she may be having to me whenever she feels the need. She knows that I am open and willing to listen and work on resolving the issue whenever one arises. This has allowed for a relationship that is not only brazenly open and honest, but bare and exposed. We are both completely beholden to one another because we are in tune at all times. We know what the other is dealing with and how/if we can help. We’ve even made it a point to hold a “’state of the union” once a week in which we have a focused discussion about our relationship and what we can do to improve it. In that act and throughout the whole of our relationship, we are equals and partners who respect each other to the point of bare-boned honesty. And it is truly wonderful.

I don’t share all of these things to brag on my relationship or to make you feel bad about yours. Rather, it’s my point to show you what I’ve learned and hope you feel the need to implement my lessons into your life so that you can abstain from any unnecessary fights or squabbles. And not just in romance, but in every type of relationship we may have in our lives. Communication is vital in all aspects of our daily lives.

Because at its root, the hesitation to communicate comes from a place of pride. We feel we can handle things alone or we worry opinions or circumstances will change. But if we’re committed to making our relationship work and work well, communication is the key we need to be certain to include. Without it, neither partner is sure what’s going on or what’s being felt by the person they care so deeply for. Instead, both are walking blind and deaf toward what can be some serious issues.

So for your sake and for the sake of your relationship, make it a point to communicate what it is you’re feeling or what issues you’re having. As long as you’re respectful and honest when doing so, your relationship will come closer to thriving and being all it can and should be.

And in love, isn’t that always the goal?

Thank you for reading! You can follow me on Twitter here and buy my new book here. God bless!

“Just because she likes the same bizarro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soulmate.”

One of my favorite movies is (500) Days of Summer. Not only is it stylish, witty, and gorgeously shot, but it has some of the greatest lines of dialogue ever compiled in a single film. It’s glorious, really.

One of my favorite lines in the film is the one I’ve typed out above (absolute fave? “She’s better than my dream girl. She’s real”). Tom and his sister are having a heart to heart over a game of Wii, and Tom is going on and on about how much he likes Summer. They like all the same things and to him, they click. But then his 13 year old sister drops that truth bomb on him.

It’s a perfect line delivered at the perfect time. And it’s a powerful thought, really. But despite the obviousness of the line’s direction, I can’t help but be drawn to the flip side of things when considering soulmates and the like.

Sure, not everyone who shares your same taste in everything is meant to be yours forever. That’s just common sense, really. But where my mind wanders is to the subject of soulmates and what it’ll be like when you find this one person (if soulmates actually exist or not is, of course, up for debate. These days, I’m in the “yes” column).

Movies and books and television shows would have us believe that finding that one person will complete us and we’ll never have another romantic worry again. But life isn’t that easy, is it? Rather, once we’ve found the person we want to spend the rest of our life with, once we’ve found that soulmate we’ve longed so long for, that’s when the work actually starts. Because love isn’t perfect and love isn’t one big song and dance. No, just like in the beginning, it’s our responsibility to work for what we’ve been given and to earn it every single day. We’re going to fight and we’re going to cry. We’re going to get our feelings hurt and we’re going to wound those of our lover. We’ll feel betrayed and we’ll return the favor.

And maybe I’m not saying anything you don’t already know. But to me, the expectations most of us have for the kind of perfect love we want need to be brought down to a more realistic level.

Our soulmate won’t heal us or make our world this perfect little picture. Just like anything else, love and marriage and romance have their ups and downs. I think that’s why (500) Days is such a realistic movie. It runs the gambit and shows the ins and outs, ups and downs, smiles and bruises of love and relationship. It shows love for what it really is.

And maybe we’ll get lucky and our Tom/Summer will stick around for more than just 500 days. Regardless, if we can hold our expectations to a realistic level and realize that relationships take work and sweat and effort, we’ll be more likely to approach it all in a more meaningful way.

And any relationship worth having is worth doing the right way.

Follow me on Twitter here and check out my new book here. Thanks for reading!

It’s a part of life to be betrayed at one point or another. Whether in the confines of a romantic relationship or by family or friends, having our trust taken advantage of and our hearts broken is going to happen at some point. It’s just a sad truth we have to face sooner or later. But after we’ve been betrayed and we realize our relationship is worth holding onto, how do we begin to trust this person again? How do we move past the feelings of paranoia and suspicion to fully accept their movements and actions as truth once we’ve been proverbially stabbed in the back?

The short and simple answer would be to just do it. We just give our trust back to them and hope they don’t double-cross us again. But that isn’t very realistic, is it? When we’ve had our heart broken—through being cheated on, lied to, or a million other ways—it’s extremely hard to offer our full trust to this person who went behind our back and did whatever dirty deed bruised us so deeply. Instead, we’d rather hold closely to our love and our trust so as to protect ourselves from being hurt again. Rather than let this person back into our lives with full power and privilege, we offer very small bits of ourselves while holding tight to our wariness and suspicions. Because that’s how we feel we’re supposed to react. It’s about self-preservation, and to persevere means to protect ourselves.

Only, this protecting of ourselves can usually manifest itself in unhealthy ways. We go through their phone when they’re out of the room or we demand their whereabouts at all times. We’re so worried about being hurt again that we allow our insecurities to consume us and make us act a little cRaZy. And you know what? That’s expected—and it’s almost acceptable.

Almost.

Once we’ve been betrayed, it’s our choice to keep our relationship alive or do as Feist said and let it die. Choosing to sustain the relationship and hold onto what we had means we believe this person is worth the betrayal they’ve put us through. It means we believe that our coupling means more than the trouble we’re now going through.

It’s with that in mind and heart that we must learn to trust again.

It isn’t easy or simple to trust someone again. It takes time and it takes a very serious effort. We’re humans and our human hearts don’t enjoy or appreciate being bruised or broken. So we protect ourselves and we hesitate to trust again. And yet, deciding that the relationship is worth holding onto means we have the intention of giving them all of us again someday. But can we truly do that if we’re going through their phone every day or constantly checking where they are or what they’re doing? No, we can’t. Doing those things means we’re feeding that paranoia that came about through their betrayal. And while we should forever be protecting our hearts from those who would do us harm, it’s prudent of us to begin taking those small steps back to trusting this person we care so much about. That means ignoring that little itch in the back of our conscience that tells us to go through their phone. It means trusting them in the small moments so that we can build to the bigger times and subjects. It means giving them the tiny bits of our heart again and again until we’ve built our trust, love, and patience back to where it was before they wounded us.

It isn’t a simple task, but if we truly believe this person is worth what it takes to make our relationships whole again, we’ll begin giving of our trust and of ourselves until we fully trust them again. It may not happen over night or even in a number of months, but if we can begin making those sacrifices now, we’ll crawl back to where we were once before. And that’s where we can find the happiness and fulfillment we once had.

For more on relationships, follow me on Twitter HERE.
And buy my new book, WE ARE NOT HOODLUMS, HERE.
Thanks so much for reading!

Over the last 20 months, I’ve written my fair share of articles about relationships. I’ve written on just about every subject where relationships are involved; everything from how to get a boyfriend/girlfriend to how to break up with the same. And throughout those articles, I’ve done my best to paint a picture of what it takes to make a relationship work. I don’t do this because I have all of the answers, but because I’ve ruined enough relationships and have made enough mistakes where love and the like is concerned to have a firm grasp on what not to do. In short, my hope has been to allow you to learn from my mistakes. I’ve laid out rules and I’ve tried my best to solve mazes. I’ve drawn blueprints and I’ve solved riddles.

Or so I thought. As of late, I’ve come to understand that relationships don’t work when there are rules in place.

I don’t mean the kind of rules that state you shouldn’t cheat on your partner or that you should treat them well. I’m referencing the kind of generalized rules that speak to how a relationship should go and what should take place. When in reality, every single romantic relationship is made up of different kinds of people in different places in their lives. My relationship isn’t going to be the same as yours. The feelings I have for my girlfriend aren’t necessarily going to mirror the feelings you hold for your significant other. The time it takes me and her to fall in love isn’t going to exactly equal the time it takes you and yours to do the same. We’re all different and we all progress (or not) in different ways and paces.

And that’s what’s so great about all of this madness. There are no set rules. There are no specific guidelines each of us must follow to make our relationships work. Can each of us learn from our past and others who’ve experienced the rough and tumble lessons of love? Of course, but it’s prudent for each of us to understand that when it comes to relationships and the love it fosters, we all have to decide what does and doesn’t work for us and only us.

My parents got married at 18 years of age after dating for 4 years. They’ve now been married for 33 plus years.
I got married at 19 years of age after dating my ex-wife for 4 months. We lasted 3 years.
I have friends who got married after knowing each other for 4 months and they literally could not be happier.
I have other friends who have been together for 9 years and don’t feel the need to get married any time soon. Their relationship is as strong as it’s ever been.

That’s why it’s imperative for us to understand that each individual relationship is unique in and of itself, and each relationship should progress at its own pace. Find what works for you and yours and do exactly that. Talk things out with your partner and come to decisions together rather than leaning on the understanding and examples of others, because what works for them may not work for you. Your relationship came about because you made the choice to be with this other person. You care about them and want to see them happy and they (hopefully) make you happy. Invest in that happiness, in that care, and work to set your own rules, your own blueprints. Sure, it makes sense to learn from others, but in the end, each of us is responsible for our own lives and love.

And though I’ll always be here to point out the booby-traps and pitfalls that have snared me in the past, it’s time for you to step out on your own and make your own way. Because in the end, I can’t love your love for you no more than you can love mine for me. And I certainly can’t make your relationship succeed or fail.

All of that rests entirely in the equal hands of you and your partner. Trust yourselves to do what it takes to make it work.

Twitter: @Cory_Copeland

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Most of us have had enough experience with the wrong ones. They used us up and tossed us away, or they broke us down and caused us to doubt who and what we were. The wrong ones have a way of getting to us and leaving us without much clue as to who we are anymore. Though we give them all we have with only small bits of hope for anything in return, we are left hurting and in need of some sort of salvation.

Because of our experience with those wrong ones, we begin to grow bitter and tired of relationships and love. We refuse to hear of their merits or favor, and we’re quick to sneer when others attempt to bring us back out into the light. We don’t need any of it. We’re fine just being alone. There in the aloneness, we don’t have to worry about deep-cutting insults or assaults aimed at our feelings and psyche. There we only have to worry for ourselves and what makes us content. Those wrong ones have pushed us to a point lacking of effort and care. There we are content to stay by our selves.

But then along comes a right one and everything begins to change.

A freedom is bestowed on us, even though all we want is to belong to this right soul. Suddenly, we want to jump up and do more and be more. We want to get our life together and improve ourselves. We want to get our finances in shape and our bodies toned. We want to walk the narrowed path and do right because we think they deserve such respect. No longer do we wallow in our aloneness, but now we’ve been ignited to bring about wonderful change into our life; all because the right one came along.

It’s rare magic to find that one who is right for us. Through the sheer magnitude of math, it would seem impossible that there is but one soulmate for all 7 billion of us. But who can argue with the logic of a fulfilled heart? What was once a fleeting desire seemingly lost in harsh reality is now housed within the beautiful confines of actuality. We’ve found them, and more importantly, they’ve found us.
So we pull ourselves up and we smile brightly. We seek for the ways and means of being with them and spending actual quality time in their presence. We try to contain a bursting happy heart when we hold their hand and smile into their eyes. This right one is here to change it all.

And maybe some of us will never have the chance of being captured by that right one. Maybe our right one doesn’t exist. Maybe our fate is instead one of solitude. But if we’re blessed enough to find ourselves in the presence of that righteous right one, we will know it and we will offer our thanks again and again.

Because as much as those wrong ones tried to ruin everything we were and wanted to be, that right one has come to see that we are renewed in mind and spirit.

That right one has come to set us free.

Twitter: @Cory_Copeland
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Looking at me, most people assume I’m no more than 21/22 years in age. My baby-face apparently gives off a notion of being young. It’s only when they learn that I’m actually scooting close to 28 that they nod as if to say, “Yeah, okay. The tired eyes, the bits of gray hair. I can see it now.” And yet, if they knew all that I’d been over, under, and through in the last 10 years, they’d understand that I don’t feel 28. I feel 48.

In the past, I’ve written my thoughts on what it means to rise above your relationship status; how we shouldn’t allow our relationship status—or lack thereof—dictate how we see ourselves or our worth. And to be honest, I felt justified in writing that piece because I’ve been through that very thing, but with an added twist.
At the tender and vulnerable age of 19, I got married. It was a fast-paced, knuckleheaded mistake that shouldn’t have happened. And after 36 months and what felt like a thousand years, the marriage was put to rest by two signatures on three pieces of paper. At the ripe old age of 22, I was a divorcee. Sexy, huh?

Over the next few months and years, I began to face and experience what it means to be qualified by others based solely on what your past holds. These light minded people—friends, members of my church, family members, work associates, etc.—all began to see me as something used and broken. To compound the issue, most of the women I became interested in weren’t willing to date someone who had been divorced. I was in a catch22 of sorts. I’d only date a certain kind of girl, but the kind of girl I wanted to date wouldn’t date a guy like me. I was divorced. I was that guy.
Soon, I began to feel as though I had earned the mantle I was being handed again and again. After all, if most of my acquaintances thought the same thing, could they all really be wrong? I slowly slid down a slope lit with depression and lacking in self-worth. Because I had a failed marriage on my life’s resume, I was now considered used goods, and I would have to learn how to accept that. But the trifling of this acceptance bred something else in me. Because I felt so worthless and pitiful, I began to lower myself into things I knew weren’t good for me. I slept around with women I barely knew and I swallowed little wonderful pills that made my head swim and my feelings go numb. I was trying so hard to bury my pain by replacing it with other feelings, I did whatever it took to make me feel something else…or nothing at all. There was no worth in the vision and opinion I held of myself. There was only confiscated dreams and failed love.

Slowly, I began to tire of my antics. I was bored with settling for things I didn’t want and feelings that left me bruised. I began to shake past the restrictions and opinions I had placed on my own worth. I began to smile more and became brave. I walked with my head up high and owned the part of my story that saw me as a divorced twenty-something with a sketchy past that swayed to lesser justifications and shortened reasons. I began to realize that I was worth more than my past dictated. I was worth more than the world wanted me to believe.
These days, it’d be nearly impossible for you or anyone else to convince me that my divorce makes me less of a man, a person, or a Christian. Why? Because I now tell that story with fervor, hoping it inspires others to sidestep the mistakes I made so that they may avoid the heartache that I felt. Because of a past full of mistakes and pain, I can show others a way around the pitfalls of my youth. I’ve accepted my story and allowed it to add to my worth. My past has given me a purpose and it just so happens to involve the very things that made me feel so worthless in the first place.

And that’s what I want to convey to you today. You may not have been divorced already, but it’s likely that you have things in your past you’re not proud of. It’s even possible that thoughts and recollections of them haunt you and cause you to question the worth you hold as a person now, in the present.
I want you to stop for a moment and realize that who you are today is a far cry from who you were then. Yes, you may regret those mistakes, but allow yourself to rise above them and become more because of them. Let those past mistakes fuel your purpose and paint your life’s picture with bright, shining colors. Who you are is not who you were. And we are always more than our past dictates.

Hold your head high and believe that today is the beginning of the acceptance you feel for yourself. Your past no longer holds sway over you. You’re better than that and you mean more to this world than that. The faults of your past do not get to dictate the goodness of your future. Remember that and hold it deep within your heart. Believe that you are worth more than the past you left behind. Because you are. I’m a breathing testament to that very truth.

Twitter: @Cory_Copeland

I consider myself to be a very lucky and blessed man. And it’s not only because I have great hair or can beatbox like a champ (both of which happen to be true); no, I count myself as favored because my life is surrounded by incredible women who add so much meaning it. It’s true.

There’s Autumn, Breezy, Brittny, Cassi, Elizabeth, Lauren, Lindsey, Mandy, Megan, Micaela, Molly, and Stephanie. Each and every one of these women is intelligent, funny, talented, beautiful, witty, kind, caring, and full of life. They all add so much value to the lives of others and they do it with a graceful heart and shining smile. I find it incredible that I’m blessed to know all of them. And on top of all that other wonderful stuff, each and every one of them is single, just like me.

So if they’re so great and wonderful and awesome, why don’t I pursue any of them with romantic intentions? What keeps me from forgoing the bounds of our friendship and pursuing one of these wonderful ladies with butterflies in my stomach and soft words in my heart? Setting aside the fact that every last one of them is entirely too wise to give me the romantic time of day (which I respect and admire), I hesitate to pursue something more with them because they’re my friends. Because they mean so very much to me, I find it terrifying to imagine ruining what we have for the mere chance at something romantic (especially considering my track record with relationships and exes). As astoundingly wonderful as they each are, the friendship I have with them means more to me than the possibility of love that could one day exist. And I could honestly never forgive myself if I somehow took what we had and dashed it against the rocks of romance. The thought of any of them never speaking to me again is troublesome at best.

It’s likely that you’ve been in the same boat as I am. Most of us have that one friend of the opposite (or same) sex who seems perfect for us in every way (I guess I’m just blessed enough to have 12 of them). They like the things we like, they laugh at the stuff that makes us laugh, and they make us feel good about ourselves. We love this person and we care about them. And most of all, we know they love and care for us too.
Sometimes this situation can lead to romance. You sit and you discuss this chemistry you have and you decide, “Hey, why don’t we give this a shot? We’ll be great together!” And sometimes, this works out. Monica and Chandler showed us as much, even though it took them a few years to make the zoom zoom go boom boom.
Other times, one friend feels the desire for more while the other does not. This usually results in a hidden pining and tortured heart (see: George for Jerry on Seinfeld) (oh, it’s true) or brave confessions followed by soft rejection which result in a wounded friendship (see: Bumper for Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect) (this isn’t entirely accurate. I just wanted a reason to reference my favorite movie of 2012).
And still other times, we find ourselves in the same boat that I am now. We realize the potential of what’s in front of us, but we hesitate because the dark and sinister questions of “what if?” loom above us.
What if things go wrong and our friendship is ruined? What if he/she is a horrible kisser? What if he/she poots in their sleep? What if our relationship is never the same? The entire ordeal can be stressful and mind-numbing.

How do you decide if and/or when to pursue something more with this person you’ve come to care so much about?

The key is to decide if you’re willing to risk your friendship for the possibility of more. There’s no right or wrong answer, really. It’s a decision you and your BFF have to make together. I’ve had that talk with a few of the ladies mentioned above and after they caught their breath from laughing so hard at the thought of me trying to woo them, they agreed that our friendship was too valuable to risk. But that may not be the case for you. Each relationship and each circumstance is unique. Maybe you and your “frand” are destined to spend forever together as a couple. Or maybe you’re just meant to be friends. It’s up to you to decide that for yourselves and move on (or not) from there.

Friendship or romance? The two aren’t mutually exclusive, but they don’t always go together either.

Twitter: @Cory_Copeland

What does it mean to be wrecked, exactly? Not in the way one car wrecks another, but the kind of wrecked when something or someone comes along and completely discombobulates your life, mind, and heart. Everything you thought you knew is now in question because for once, you’ve been awoken to new truth. To be wrecked is to be reduced to rubble and rebuilt. And this wrecking can produce itself in good and bad ways.

They say love is a wrecker. We’re marching along, happy and satisfied though wanting, and suddenly, our world is turned upside down by some ardent lover. We are wrecked from the first day because we weren’t aware we could feel these things or speak those words. They lift us up and brighten our life. We love them and they return that love tenfold. It’s all so wonderful and meaningful.
But as time passes, we grow accustomed to one another and we become comfortable. Eventually, our effort passes by the wayside and we merely exist in each other’s company. Soon after, the fights start and the passion that once burned so brightly between us turns to white hot rage. Filth spills from our mouth as we hurl insults at this person we once cherished. We do our best to hurt them, to reduce them, to wreck them.
The ending is inevitable and comes much later than it should have. We are undone and we are broken for a spell. What once was a wrecking of saintly beauty has turned us into a twisted form of bruised feelings and lonely regret. Love has wrecked us.

They say love is a wrecker. We’ve played this game before and are leery of its black magic. We proceed with caution, but the curiosity is too much for our sensibilities to resist. This new angel has appeared and with it, has cast away every doubt and hesitation we once held. We step slow but steady, proceeding at a comfortable pace because we’ve been wrecked by that wretched potential before and we aren’t in a hurry to be back there. But this new hope pulls us forward with grace and charity. Slowly, beautifully, we are becoming wrecked once again.
The nights are softer and the days feel longer. Everything is sweeter and moves slower. We feel whole again and want nothing more than to be with our lover forever. We speak sweet and smile wide. Cross words rarely pass through our lips and anger feels like a thing of our past. We are happy now and we are wrecked in goodness and love. Our once desperate life was found a new meaning steeped in graciousness and beauty. We are fulfilled. We are satisfied. Reduced to nothing and rebuilt, we have been wrecked.

And while it’s possible you’ve experienced both of these scenarios as I have, a begging question is brought forth.

What kind of wrecker are you?

Do you fill those around you with happiness and grace? Or do you selfishly take what you can and leave those around you wrecked and angry?
Are you a faithful friend and lover who aches to make others whole? Or are you in search of your own fulfillment and your own desperate treasure?
Do you wreck others in goodness and beauty? Or do you leave them broken and regretting the time spent in your company?

We all will wreck and we all will be wrecked. With guarded hearts and hopeful vision, we can avoid the lesser and wreck this world with love and understanding.

Twitter: @Cory_Copeland

They say breaking up is hard to do…or maybe that’s Pilates? Anyway, the saying is true for breaking up for the most part. You’ve invested time and effort (hopefully) into your relationship with this person, but now you want out and that means having to break up with them. Now, you could go the cowardly route and have a friend do it for you (done it) or send a sequence of ill-advised text messages doing the deed (done that too), but if you’ve actually ever cared for the person, you’ll do it in person.
However, the way the situation plays out is entirely up to you. Why are you breaking up with this person? Is it their fault? Are you tired of them and want to be rid of them, or is there something specifically wrong with them that you can no longer handle on a daily basis? Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that this is a human person whose heart you’re breaking. They have feelings and they have tears (oh so many tears…), and if you don’t want to deal with either (because, let’s be honest, it’s drama city when a heart gets broken), it may be prudent to maybe, possibly, almost lie about the reason you’re breaking up with them.

I KNOW! I’m a terrible person for even suggesting such a thing, but as always, I have your best interest at heart. Just trust me! (never trust someone who says that…unless they’re me, obvs).
Therefore, I present to you three very special reasons it’s okay to lie when breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Here we go:

You Don’t Want to Hurt Their Feelings
Let’s be completely honest here: some people don’t take bad news very well. They get that wounded deer look and star ugly crying all over the place. It’s a sight. And because of that, it may be necessary to fib a little when you’re breaking up with this person you’ve been attached to.
It doesn’t have to be some great big, expansive lie, but maybe pull the patented George Costanza, “It’s not you, it’s me” routine. Take the blame on yourself instead of pointing out the 236 faults and insecurities this person has that makes being with them so unbearable. Doing so will mean they aren’t completely ruined by your making a break for it like Michael Scofield and the rest of the Foxboro Seven (Prison Break FTW!).
Taking this route may just save you and them a lot trouble, tears, and dramatics. Just remember to keep this story afloat when telling others why you and your significant other are no longer together. The number one rule of lying? Consistency. (I’m going to hell for this post, aren’t I?)

You Don’t Want Them Badmouthing You to Everyone and their Momma
This line of reasoning is a bit more selfish, but then again, you’re the one breaking up with this person who loves and cherish you with all they have, so being selfish is right up your alley (kidding!).
Realistically, none of us like to have bad things said about us. That’s just human nature, really. But when you break up with someone and lay the blame on them, it’s likely they’ll have some unkind words to spread on your behalf. BUT…if you shade the reasons for the breakup to your own fault, it’s less likely that this person will have horrible, awful, inhumane things to say about you (like you pee the bed or murder squirrels and whatnot).
Again, this reasoning is a bit selfish, but then again, it gets you off relatively scot-free so why are you complaining? Hush it, liar liar pants/bra on fire.

You Don’t Want to Get Murdered
Again, you’re being selfish here, but really, who wants to get murdered? Hardly anyone, so it’s understandable.
The truth is that some people have a preeeetty bad temper when being rejected and this can result in physical harm/blood loss for one or more people in the immediate vicinity. And really, no one wins in that situation. So if you think your future former lover has a tendency to get a little stabby, maybe tell them you’re moving to Africa or mother Russia or something? Whatever you tell them, make sure they never find out the truth. ‘Cuz if they do, it’s likely you could end up on some “Solve the Murder Case!” reality show, starring as the person smiling in the blurry photos because they ain’t breathing no mo’.
Take the blame for the breakup. It’ll feel better than a pipe to the back of the head, a knife to the chest, or strychnine down the throat.

These are the three main reasons to tell a fib or two when breaking up with someone. Abide by them and hopefully you won’t get cried on, badmouthed, or murdered. But if you do, that’s what you get for listening to the guy who drives around in leather gloves while wearing Ryan Gosling’s jacket from Drive.
Note: this post was, of course, written tongue-in-cheek (that sounds gross, huh?). You should always be honest in every facet of your relationship, from beginning to end.

Twitter: @Cory_Copeland

A large majority of us would admit to possessing at least some small dollop of a dream. These dreams, these goals, rapture us and wrap us around their little pinky fingers. They’re things we want to accomplish, places we want to go, or feats we must attempt. For me, my dream is to write for a living, to sustain my livelihood through the creation of literature while helping people through those written words. It’s what I work toward and it’s why I’ve relentlessly placed words into this space for the last 16 months. It’s why I’m working on my third and fourth books. And it’s why I put all of my heart and soul into ever smash of the keys. Writing is my white whale, and the thought of not being able to achieve that goal turns me into a maddened Ahab, ready to risk it all for the chance of fading glory.
Your dream may be something else. Perhaps you want to race cars or be a professional musician. Whatever it is, you likely possess the same fascination and determination I do. You won’t feel complete in your bones until you’ve accomplished this dream you have. It’s what pushes you to work at your craft and to continuously bring fresh ideas and samples into your work. Your dream is your own and with it, you’ve found your purpose.
But as time continues to slide away from us, how long are we to chase these dreams of ours? For how long are we supposed to run after these brightly shining cosmonauts we call dreams? What if our dream isn’t our life’s destination? What if our dream lets us down and we are never allowed to accomplish what we’ve so desperately set our heart on?

If that’s the case, when is the right time to give up on our dreams? At what point do we surrender the aspirations we’ve held onto and worked toward for so long? How long do I keep throwing words at the page, hoping they’ll stick as something meaningful that will take me from obscurity to security?

To be honest, the mere thought of surrendering my dream, of giving up on something I want so badly, makes me angry. And I feel that’s the way it should be. I shouldn’t want to surrender or resign from what I’ve worked toward. That’s what makes these aspirations a dream. It’s a goal and a target to be aimed for. To resign from that fight isn’t something I feel I can or will do. Maybe ask me again if I’m still just a “blogger” in ten years.

The truth is that not all of us will attain the dream we’ve built for ourselves. That’s just realistic thinking, really. Not everyone gets what they want. That’s just life, really. Some of us will fall short of our intended goal, and when we do, we’ll question our intentions and the faith we’ve had from the start. However, is it really considered failure if we never actually give up? I don’t think it is.

I may never write for a living. You may never get to play music as a means of livelihood. But if I keep writing—in this space or some other—and you keep playing or racing or dancing or what-have-you, then we will have not failed. If we’re doing something we truly, incredibly love to do, then the fact that we can continue to do that thing at all will be enough to keep us going.
I may always be just a “blogger”, but I’ll have the words, and even if I’m working a full time “real” job in addition, those words will be enough.

Dreams aren’t to be surrendered. They are to be worked for and strived toward. If your dream hasn’t come to fruition yet, please don’t give up. While we may never achieve the heights we ache for, the fact that we continue to build our craft toward those lofty aspirations while doing something we truly love to do will be enough. Disappointing as the notion may seem, the love of our art sustains us.

Always, always, always dream on.

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It’s easy to see the title of this post and go right in to, “YOU DON’T KNOW ME, COPELAND!!!” mode, and if you did, I can’t blame you. But as I type these words, I feel the glow of possessed realizations and answered questions. I have discovered the secret glue that holds our singleness suspended there in the metaphorical space of our lives. You can scoff and you can throw your mocking laughs my way, but I have the answer you may be looking for.

Each of us is different and each of us possesses a number of special traits that make us who we are. And though some of us lean the same way in our tastes of this and that, each of us has our own romantic past and path that has lead us to where we stand now as unattached, single people. Yet, though we each have our own purpose for our relational standing at this moment in time, we are all single for the exact same reason.

Would you like to know what that reason is? I’ll share it with you if you really want to know. Okay, fine. Here it is:

You are single simply because you choose to be.

Go ahead and laugh at the simplicity of this truth, but once its vibrant honesty has settled around you, you will appreciate what we have learned here today.

Some choose to refrain from having a relationship and that is, of course, more than fine. I am in that camp myself.
But this truth is for those who want a relationship yet don’t have it as of now. They want to be in a partnership with another human being because they want to feel connected and cared for in a romantic way. It’s a desire they have for their life.

You may think I’m crazy for stating the above, but when you consider it, you may realize I’m on to something. Being single is your own choice because any of us could lower our requirements or standards and be with someone who we feel isn’t right for us. We have that option if it’s what we really wanted to do. We could accept someone’s, anyone’s hand and be in a relationship if we so chose. I mean, anyone can find a romantic partner if they don’t have a standard to meet. It just takes a willing mind and/or body. We just wouldn’t be happy or satisfied with such a lacking union, right?
But we don’t jump into such rushed romance because we have a certain criteria a person has to meet before we’ll consider them as a possibility. We have a level of behavior, looks, personality, and preferences we will not dip below. And that is a very, very good thing.

You may feel lonely and even incomplete because you’re without a romantic partner right now, but I encourage you to remember that though life can be lonely and the feelings may not be positive in this moment, it’s better to wait for someone who’s able to come close to what you want rather than settle for someone who isn’t able to fulfill anything of what you want. You’re worth the wait for something good; I promise you that. So uphold those standards you’ve set for yourself and know that your fortitude will be rewarded when the time is right.

Your being single isn’t a curse; it’s a choice you’re making for your own good. Remember that and keep the faith that you will someday have all the relational happiness you can possibly handle.

Twitter: @Cory_Copeland